Incalescent
by carved in the sand
Summary: Falling in love with Hitsugaya set her world ablaze, and now she's trying to keep from getting burned. Of course, there's a matchmaking Matsumoto, her zanpakuto's murderous tendencies, and a revolution that'll turn Seireitei into a warzone to keep her busy.
1. lost in the clouds

**A/N:**_ Disclaimer: I own many things, like a poster of Gaara and a pretty lamp. Bleach is not included in that list. Anyways, new title, new summer, a focused plot, even an outline...this story is most definitely revamped. I've even went back and proofread everything. Aren't I awesome? Now, enjoy!_

* * *

**Keep your feet on the ground **

**when your head's in the clouds.**

* * *

Karin could hear her heart hammering in her chest in a heavy staccato and her lungs were working in overdrive. She was in the zone; the world around her had faded out of focus, and all that mattered was the game.

The opposing team was strong. They had a great defensive line their goalie was more than skilled, but it was easy to see that they didn't have as good a leader or strategy. Her team was solid in every category. She could _taste_ the victory, among all the sweat and the dryness of her throat. She was craving it. This was the game that she'd been worrying about for the past three months. All of the anxiety had faded away the second she'd stepped on the field. There was nothing standing in her way from winning, now.

The fact that there were university scouts in the stands made her pulse squeeze painfully in something akin to anticipation.

Karin ran along side an opposing team member in possession of the ball, skillfully darting around her, and knocking it out to the left. in a dramatic sweep kick, passing it to one of her own a few yards away. The girl had given her a nasty look, but she merely smirked and continued past her, running along the side of the field as the ball was being passed from between two of her teammates as they made their way along the field.

They scored the goal just over the opposing goalie's right ear, and Karin could only smirk wider. _Perfect _teamwork_._

She turned to her left to instantly spot a young man with snow white hair and brilliant blue-green eyes. Even in a crowd as large as this, he stuck out incredibly so, easy to catch in her peripheral vision. He watched the game intently, and when she turned her head completely towards him, she caught his gaze. The Kurosaki merely stuck out her tongue playfully before continuing on. This was her game, after all.

And it was _definitely_ her game. There was no denying it. As time wore on, the raven haired girl only became more accustomed to the burning of her lungs and the ache in her muscles. It was so familiar pushing herself like this, like the training sessions with Urahara and Yoruichi, except no one tried to bifurcate her. Not that she didn't get looks that made her think they'd _like_ to bifurcate her. She felt like she was flying. This invincibility couldn't have been human. Or maybe it was just an overdose of adrenaline? She couldn't bother to care.

Farther and farther, faster and faster, harder and harder she would play; Karin felt on top of the world.

Within the next hour, Karin had kicked the winning goal that had left the opposing goalie lying face-first on the ground trying to avoid it, the Mashiba High School girl's soccer team was named the district championship winners, the crowd had gone insane with near-deafening cheers and high-pitched whistles, she had the water cooler dumped over her her head, and she'd been presented the championship trophy_._

The look she gave one of the scouts, already pushing up her glasses and smiling as if impressed_,_ was more smug than she thought was humanly possible of her. Karin held the trophy high above her head and shouted out a cheer. She wanted to shout _"This is what I can do! And I know you want more of it!" _but she wasn't very good at emotional speeches and her arrogance had been inflated by the summer air. Karin knew tomorrow morning she'd be pacing around her room, waiting for an acceptance letter, and doubting it's possibility, but for now she felt less skeptical. She felt amazing.

After getting her trophy, Karin searched through the dispersing crowds until she'd managed to find Toshiro, a soaking wet mess carrying a gold trophy almost a third of her size. He frowned at her disapprovingly, though she could still see the warmth gleaming in his eyes.

Her stomach twisted uncomfortably at the sight.

"Why did they dump all the water on you?" he asked, more than a hint of disapproval seeping into his voice. Karin merely shrugged.

"Tradition. The team captain gets the water dumped on them, and we always some how get the coach covered in glitter," Karin explained easily. There was a radiant glow about her.

"Humans." He couldn't hide the amusement in his eyes. "Why glitter?"

"Because it's always that long-lasting stuff. He'll still have it in his hair by Monday morning."

"Are teenagers always that malicious?"

Karin looked over her shoulder to see a group of girls from the opposing team. They were all pretty and looked as if they'd been forced to swallow whole lemons, glaring over at her with all they were worth. She smiled at them too smugly, wiggling her trophy in an obvious gesture of gloating. "Nah. Just me."

Toshiro followed her gaze and rolled his eyes, grabbing her wrist and pulling her off the soccer field. "Come on. You need to get home before you catch a cold and get more annoying than you already are."

"And then I _still_ wouldn't be as annoying as you," she countered.

She grinned at his heavy glare.

Their walk to her house was peaceful (as peaceful as it could be with the two of them together), with her trophy carried in his hands, and the winning soccer ball being tossed into the air by Karin as they trudged on to the Kurosaki residence. She was filling him in on all her strategy for the game and other nonsensical things, the upcoming championship for the boy's team she'd be playing in next week, and her college choices.

"You're awfully self-involved," Toshiro commented noncommittally.

"I _should_ be. Everything's actually...falling into place." There was a sweeter, softer smile that pulled at her lips, and the white-haired shinigami hadn't failed to notice. "I'm going to be graduating in a month, and I've already been accepted into Kyoto University. I'm _ecstatic, _Toshiro. And besides, summer's nearly here. I just have to get through exams and hope that I don't fail everything."

"Hmph. You probably will anyways."

"Stop trying to kill my mood, you bitter old man."

"I _am_ a bitter old man. The truth doesn't hurt."

Karin laughed too loudly for the still night air to handle, drunk off happiness, snatching the trophy out of his hands before punching him in the shoulder with just a bit of reiryoku packed into the punch. _Hard._ She enjoyed the way he failed to hide his flinch, but still couldn't keep the smile off her face. "I hope you get eaten by a hollow. With really bad breath."

He laughed arrogantly, jerking out his chin. "As if."

"It'll probably get you while you're too busy trying to fix your hair, " she snapped.

"Ridiculous."

"Like your hair."

Karin might have possibly struck a nerve with that last one, but she couldn't have been sure. She just kept smiling.

In retaliation, Toshirou's hand crept along the side of her stomach, and her grip loosened on the trophy enough for him to seize it back. Karin quieted down her choking giggles and shoved him, but he was barely moved by it. The snowy-haired shinigami could be a brick wall when he wanted to.

After a few more unsuccessful attempts of retrieval and tickling, she gave up with a sigh.

"If you let my trophy fall, I'm going to drop kick your ass all the way back to Soul Society," she stated, scratching the back of her head and finally managing a glare at him for the first time that night. Toshiro grinned triumphantly at her unspoken admission of defeat. That would be another imaginary tally in his favor. Not that he was keeping score.

Karin looked at her watch to check the time, a soft curse falling onto her lips when she saw that it was nearly midnight. How freaking long had they been out? It shouldn't have taken them _this_ long to get home...well, they had taken the long way...and had dinner at the bakery...she was screwed.

Her father was going to go into a long-winded, idiotic lecture about staying out late with _"shinigami captains who were inherently untrustworthy because they were male"_. She could already hear it ringing in her ears. It would have been less irritating knowing that he was going to be more insane about it than he would have last year. She wasn't even sure if it was because Toshiro was a boy or because he looked well into his early twenties. Or both. Probably both. The past six months she'd been spending time with him, Isshin had been _especially _neurotic about "being careful"_.  
_

She knew there was some sort of innuendo in that, but it was better not to dwell on it. She hadn't found any condoms left in her night dresser, like Ichigo had one of the rare times he'd been home, toting along a very irate Rukia. It had made her almost happy that they were there. But who knew? Maybe he'd include singing this time.

Hopefully not the condoms, though.

Karin almost didn't get a look at the date in the right hand corner of the screen when she literally stopped in her tracks. Toshiro stopped as well, and watched as the happy color drained from her face and lips. She looked between her watch and his stare a few times before lowering her arm.

June 16th, on the spot.

_No wonder_ her father and sister hadn't been able to come to the game - and they just let her forget? She just let herself_ forget?_

"Hey Toshiro," Karin said, turning to him with an anxious smile. "Can you take that back to my place? You can probably just set it in the living room so I can stare at it some more tomorrow morning. Thanks!"

Ignoring his bewildered look, she'd jetted off immediately, but was stopped when he'd suddenly phased in front of her. _Shit,_ she thought, recoiling in shock. When the hell had he been able to shunpo a gigai? Weren't they supposed to _block_ reiatsu usage?

Well this wasn't going to go anywhere.

"Do you seriously think that I'm letting you go to strange places in the middle of the night?" he asked, questioningly raised brows. Karin _really_ hated when Toshiro got bossy and protective. Especially since she could probably knock thirty grown men unconscious at once. It was more than ridiculous at this stage in her life. "That's more than a bit irresponsible on my part."

"Okay, this chivalry stuff is nice and all, but I need to go somewhere."

"Then I'll go with you."

"I'd rather go alone, Toshiro."

The serious tone to her voice bothered him more than it should have. "Karin, whether you like it or not, I'm responsible-," he was cut off by the obnoxious ringing off the cell phone in his pocket, suddenly looking off to his left with and cursing under his breath. She could almost feel it too; the faint, flaring pressure of a hollow out into the distance, as if it were trying to hide. It didn't seem to be working out so well though.

Maybe the reiatsu-sensing training hadn't completely gone to waste.

Hitsugaya looked down at Karin to glare and shove the trophy back into her hands.

"Get home as quickly as possible. And don't you _dare_ go anywhere else," Hitsugaya warned, and Karin had managed to glare at him as he disappeared. After a few moments, she let out a soft sigh, and with it, her facade of anger.

"Maybe I should thank whatever thing that decided to creep around," she muttered quietly to herself.

How _was_ she supposed to feel exactly? Jittery? Nervous? The only thing that registered in her head was the indiscernible churning in her gut that gave a vague feeling of indigestion. And guilt. A lot of guilt. How the hell could she forget? Just because she'd been gone all day didn't mean that she got the right to just _forget_. It was strange how fast her mood was able to deteriorate just because of the date. Then again, it wasn't just any day.

Speaking of which, it was around twenty seven minutes until midnight.

Karin nodded to herself slowly, beginning to sprint home. It was a little more than twenty minutes before midnight. How long would it take Toshiro to finish his hollow business? Hopefully long enough for her to set down her trophy in her room, shower, and change clothes before heading down to the cemetery.

It wouldn't matter that Toshiro wanted to stay at home; he wasn't the boss of her. This was something she had to do. He'd find her sooner or later. Of course it would be better she were alone, but then again it wouldn't matter if he would be there with her.

It wouldn't be the first time he'd been to her mother's grave.

**.**

**.**

**.**

**_- Six Months Ago -_**

"_What the hell are you doing here?"_

"_Sitting."_

"_Let me rephrase that," Hitsugaya said irritably, crossing his arms and glaring down at the girl dressed in a strapless cocktail dress, who'd kicked off her heels and sat on the ground with bare feet in late December."What the hell are you doing here at one in the morning?"_

_Karin sighed, not bothering to turn around and look at him. She could already feel the migrane coming on. Of course, she was bound to get a lecture from either her father, Ichigo, Yuzu, or all three of them. That didn't mean she wanted one from him too. A cold breeze blew by, and she unconsciously shivered. Maybe she'd be lucky and get pneumonia. They wouldn't be able to lecture her if she was coughing herself to death._

_"I couldn't fucking breathe in that house. I was going to suffocate," she answered in her usual bored tone, hugging her arms and hunching over a little for warmth. Dozens and dozens of people crammed into that one house clapping Ichigo on the back for defeating some villain or another, while they barely sent any word of congratulations Hitsugaya's way when it was his party. And all the strange faces asking her how proud she was to have a brother like him._

_She didn't really mean to leave Toshiro by himself, because only the gods knew how much of an antisocial prick he could be to everyone but her, but she couldn't stay any longer. Even long enough to bring proper clothes for outside. "Why aren't you there? It's your damn party. Matsumoto's gonna wring your neck," she responded._

_"I came to get you."_

_"I'm not going any where."_

_"Karin, we can do this the easy way or the hard way."_

_She whirled her head around to glare at him. He was unpleasantly surprised at the anger and bitterness burning behind those charcoal depths."Can you just shut the fuck up for one second and look where we are? Do you have any damn _respect_ in that tiny little body, or is it too filled with pigheadedness and stupidity?"_

_His first instinct was to bite back at her, but he paused, and realized that they were in a cemetery and she was hunched over in front of a tombstone of someone she obviously cared about, and he was here bothering her and letting her freeze to death. _

_Hitsugaya managed to keep from slapping his forehead."I'm sorry. I'm being rude," he amended. Karin just sighed and turned back around_

_The white-haired young man heaved a sigh of his own, and began to shed his jacket. He walked to where Karin sat in front of the tomb stone and draped it over her shoulders. She pulled it on over her bare shoulders and could have smiled at the surprising warmth - he usually exuded a chill. How cold was she? _

_She pulled it tighter around herself, quietly breathing in his scent that still lingered on the coat. He sat down next to her and read the words on the slab of rock – Kurosaki Masaki, beloved wife and mother – with furrowed brows. Why was she here?_

"_Sometimes I come here when I can't think straight," Karin said aloud suddenly, breaking the silence. "I've...I've never met my mom. But think about her and I wonder a lot. I don't know much about her other than what my dad keeps spewing or whatever Ichi-nii says about her. But I can tell she was amazing, even if she was crazy enough to marry Dad."_

_They both cracked smiles at the thought. Kurosaki Masaki must have been something special if she'd fallen in love with Isshin of all people. But the brief mirth faded away like the wind that rustled their hair._

_Karin sighed, pressing into her jacket. It was warm and smelled like him. "But I know she was amazing. I can't help but wonder if I'd even live up, you know? I don't know. I get these dreams about her, and she's always shaking her head at me like she's disappointed. She's always sad, talking and crying, and I can't hear a word she says."_

_Hitsugaya can hear the ache in her voice, but he doesn't turn to look at her, doesn't move to put an arm around her. He doesn't know what to do. He'd never expect this sort of vulnerability from Karin for as long as he'd known her. So instead of fretting over what the hell he was supposed to be doing, he listened and waited. _

"_Yuzu is the daughter that anyone would be lucky have, and Ichigo's strong and brave and amazing, even though he goes running around playing shinigami most of the time," Karin says, weariness evident in her voice. "I don't feel like I'm….good enough. To be in this family? I don't live up to them either."_

_There was no embarrassment in her voice, or shame lingering in her words. Karin was brutally honest, even with herself. And even if Toshiro was with her here, listening in on all of the insecurities she shouldn't have, his presence was comforting, his jacket warm, and his scent was the only thing that she could _

"_I don't think-," he started, voice clearly strained. He sighed, shutting his eyes and finally facing Karin. "I don't think your mother would ever think you weren't good enough. I don't think anyone would think you weren't good enough."_

_She shrugged, as if defeated. Toshiro's hand curved around her jaw, turning her face to meet his brilliant eyes. She was caught by the beauty of them for the hundred thousandth time, internally melting into a puddle of warmth. "But then again, it doesn't really matter what other people think of you, now does it? Except for me, of course," he said haughtily._

_Karin leaned into his touch, a spark lighting up in her charcoal-lined eyes. "And what would your opinion of me happen to be?"_

_"You're nothing short of stunning," he answered confidently._

_Karin bit her lip, poorly hiding her grin. Covering up her blush was useless when he already had her face so close to his. "Thank you, Toshiro," she murmured. "Thank you."_

.

.

.

"Long time no see, huh?"

Karin sat in front of her mother's grave expectantly, hands grasping her exposed knees as the night air blew onto her skin and ruffling her hair in her face. Of course, she does remember the last time she'd visited her mom. It's like he's wormed his way into all her memories, happy or not.

She scowled at the ground as if it had offended her in some way.

She'd wandered for a while, finally coming to realize she'd walked all the way to her mother's grave without even knowing.

"I'm really late. And I'm sorry. Yuzu and Dad have probably already came here and paid their respects. I shouldn't have forgotten...I don't really know why I'm here, to be honest," Karin suddenly blurt out, gripping her knees harder. "I just really miss you, you know? I know I'm really lucky to have Yuzu and Dad and Ichi-nii - not that he's ever around - but sometimes I just wish you were here so we could talk."

There was a pause.

What the fuck was _wrong_ with her? It wasn't as if anyone could hear her. There was no one here but the nighttime breeze and a bunch of stones with dead people's names. There was no one here to listen to her here. This was fucking pitiful. Talking to the wind wasn't a habit of the mentally sane.

But it hadn't stopped her from continuing.

Karin breathed in deeply, finally looking up at the characters adorning her mother's grave. "Maybe I'm not so tough. But I can't let anyone know that. Or maybe I am, and I just don't like it. I don't really have a choice. I have to be tough for Yuzu and Dad and be prepared for whatever the hell life's going to throw at us because it's not cool to cry and run away, is it?"

The wind blew again, a gentle caress against her skin. Karin nodded, looking towards the ground again. It was pretty cold outside for May, but she'd stubbornly refused to acknowledge the temperature.

"Ichigo's got a girlfriend, by the way," Karin said suddenly, her lips pulling into a miniscule smile. "She's pretty, strong, and can beat him up even though she's around half his size. She's a shinigami too. They're perfect for each other, really. I wish you could have gotten the chance to meet her. You might have loved her as much as dad."

Silence again. "There's something else, too."

Karin scowled again, reaching up to brush the hair hanging in her eyes. Of course there was something about him. Everything seemed to be about him.

"Damn, how much can six months change?" the dark haired girl asked with a sad smile, eyes still downcast. Such a short time had changed so many things."His hair is stark white and sticks up all over the place, but I sort of like it that way...and he actually listens to me...and he's got these eyes that make your head spin. He's smart. Brilliant. And fun when he wants to be - which sort of seems impossible when you first meet him. We can talk about anything, and I like that."

Karin took in a breathe, hands clenching around her knees a bit harder than before. "I really love him, Mom. More than anything. It's giving me a really bad migraine."

"And who would _you_ be?"

She froze, veins turning to ice and her whole body stiffened before whirling around and scrambled to her feet – she _definitely_ didn't recognize that voice. A dark, murky figure was half-hidden in the darkness. Karin could tell it was huge, and not human.

Suddenly, she could sense the reiatsu pouring from the being.

"Oh, look what we have here," it said, before creeping into the pooling light of a lamp post.

It's white mask was the first thing Karin registered before it's large tail whipped out with lightning speed to wrap around her middle and lift her a dozen feet into the air. She couldn't help the terrified shriek that ripped through her throat as she suddenly went airborne.

"Fuck, _let me go!"_ Karin shouted, wriggling in the Hollow's grasp, digging her nails and kicking and doing her best to go. _"LET GO OF ME!"_

"Noisy one, aren't you?" That was when the tail around her middle tightening exponentially and she could literally hear the ribs in her chest crack sickeningly. Karin screaming again this time in agony, ripping her throat raw. "You have a surprisingly high reiatsu for a human, though….."

"I'll take you," the Hollow amended, and Karin could feel the tail tightening around her as she began to lose consciousness. "Besides, your squirming makes the whole experience all the more enjoyable for me."

Terror squeezing her limbs, Karin let out another horrified shriek.

"What the-_ Karin!" she could hear _Hitsugaya shout, an unfamiliar note of distress and rage in his voice.

The air was suddenly charged with an incredibly powerful, overwhelming reiatsu that pressed against her sixth sense with an incredible, painful, dizzying force. She couldn't feel it, smell it, taste it, but sensed it in the back of her mind like she had before, and there was an unprecedented chill that surged over her entire body that had her shivering from head to toe.

She welcomed the blackening of her mind.

* * *

_A/N: Not sure how you stumbled upon this story, but let me thank you for clicking :D My first story for this account. I got into Bleach just this summer and watched the HitsuKarin filler episodes and became obsessed (otp much), and the plot bunny just wouldn't leave me alone._

_I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it. Remember to review! :D_

_Lyrics from Paramore, "Brick by Boring Brick"_


	2. crash

**Just crash, fall down**

**I'll wrap my arms around you now**

* * *

Karin kept fading in and out of consciousness, the world a muddled blur.

_'Someone calling me?'_ she thought. She didn't know. All she could focus on was the pain.

God,_ everything_ hurt.

The blackness overcame her quickly after a sharp blow to her head. She stopped screaming and fell into the nothingness that was a reprieve for the aching of her body. Fading, in and out, black and white, the cold of the night air and the warmth of her blood on her skin. Something heavy and rough held her up into the air, but soon she was falling. Was this her own body, or a strangers? The sensations around her kept loosing focus, from grayish around the edges to distinctly real. Karin was choking, coughing, wishing for death to end this agony.

For an immeasurable amount of time, she couldn't feel a thing.

When she woke again, she was positively freezing, which even her muddled thoughts found strange. It was the middle of June. Summer nights were never this cold. Her eyes fluttered open to find Toshiro kneeling over her with his hands hovering over her midsection, emitting a green glow. Was he the reason why everything was coming into focus? The pain had all but disappeared.

Karin stared at his face in a slight haze, watching his brows crease in frustration and blatant panic. A flurry of emotions masked his features and she couldn't tell what the hell was happening.

Was he _shaking?_

Karin tried to speak, but the only thing that came out of her mouth was a viscous bout of hacking. It was so strange. She could _feel_ her lungs filling with blood. Suddenly, she was aware of the pain in her middle and the broken ribs that had shifted as she breathed and the organs that were surely destroyed.

She was slowly being suffocated from the inside.

"T-to-toshiro," Karin choked out. He glared furiously at her, the shaking in his hands becoming more obvious.

"Stop trying to talk," he hissed between grit teeth.

"S-stop," she ground out, trying to lift her arms in vain. "D-dying. I'm dying."

"No!" Toshirou shouted. "You can't – _I won't let you!"_

Karin coughed again, and she noticed the blood that flecked her white hoodie and dribbled down her chin. Was it possible to feel your life slipping away? Everything around her was continuing to fade and blur and muddle together. Terror gripped her yet again. She didn't want lose sight of Toshiro. Even when she looked to his face, the only thing that was still clear was his eyes. They looked at her with all the intensity of the world, no longer frozen and stoic.

Breathing was nearly impossible, making her lightheaded at the lack of oxygen in her system. She needed _air._

Karin began to wheeze heavily, shutting her eyes and locking her jaw at the pain. The terror and the panic started to take it's toll on her. Reality starkly set in. Every part of her was so frozen, but her heart was on fire. She was dying.

"Karin," Toshirou croaked. The pain was clogging his voice, choking him, and it was a different kind of pain pierced through her heart. Was she the cause of that voice? "You shouldn't have come."

"Sorry," she breathed out. She sounded so weak, so_ lifeless._

The feel of his hand on her forehead almost made her want to cry. Karin couldn't remember Toshiro ever feeling this cold, but this chill that permeated his skin was soothing. It was the last thing she could focus on when she felt her body seize up and she coughed violently.

But soon, the pain vanished altogether, and there was an incredible feeling of weightlessness.

Karin opened her eyes, and she stood behind Toshirou. She saw him kneeling over her – her _body_ – and it was a gruesome scene. There was blood everywhere, staining his captain's haori and her white sweatshirt. Her hair had fallen out of it's signature pony tail and splayed around her face, making her look much too pale. Her limbs were set at an awkward angle, as if broken by something.

Exactly like a corpse.

"I'll have to perform a konso now," Toshirou said, pulling away from the corpse and standing up. He turned around to face Karin. The pain lingering in his eyes had her biting her lip. "Then you'll arrive in Rokungai - in Soul Society."

Karin nodded absently, and heard the rustling of chains. She looked down to see a long chain sticking out from her chest that nearly touched the ground.

"I'm sorry."

She flinched at the weight of his words. She could read his thoughts so clearly, it was like he'd opened up his head for her to see inside. His face told her all. It was a face twisted into pain and guilt - a face she didn't want to look at. That was not the face of her friend. That's not what she wanted to look at.

"Could you shut up?" Karin snapped half heartedly. He looked up at her in shock. "Idiot. You have _nothing_ to be sorry for."

The shinigami sighed, running a hand through his already disheveled hair. "Even dead, you're still as irritating."

"Well, you're dead too, and you're always irritating," she shot back with a grim smile, biting on her lip again as he reached behind his shoulder to unsheathe the long katana from his back. "That's not going to hurt, is it?"

"It won't." he said softly, looking at her with those aching eyes again. Karin wanted to shout at him, punch him, and shake him, because he kept looking at her with that damned _tortured_ look. No matter that it twisted something inside her and made her knees feel weak. She wanted to slap that look off of his damn face.

Karin didn't want to see him like that.

"Stop it," she muttered.

"Stop what?"

"Stop looking at me like that," Karin answered, finally meet his eyes. "I don't want to leave here with you looking at me like someone just ran over your cat."

Hitsugaya scowled at her. "I hate cats."

"Ugh, Toshiro!" Karin snapped, stomping her foot and causing the chain stuck to her chest to rattle. "Stop being difficult! I'm trying to make a point here!"

He sighed, his blade falling to his side, giving her a defeated look. There was an old weariness in his eyes that shouldn't have been there. She wanted to make it go away. She wanted to pull at his hair and kiss him and make him angry again. Anger was better than the pain.

"I don't understand you, Karin. How am I supposed to look any other way?"

Karin visibly deflated.

"I'll find you," he said, lifting the end of the katana's hilt to her forehead.

Karin's face twisted pathetically, and she bit her lip to keep from letting a sob from her throat. No. This wasn't fair. She didn't want to leave him here. Why wasn't there some way to fix this? Impulsively, she grabbed at the front of his hakama and pulled him towards her in a tight hug.

"_Idiot,_" she breathed into his neck. "You're gonna keel over one day with everything you carry on your shoulders."

"Yeah," Hitsugaya whispered back. He wrapped his free hand around her waist to bring her closer. The chain link attached to her middle pressed against his chest, and he felt his heart break a little more, finally cracking into pieces.

"I hate you."

"Shut up, Karin."

.

.

.

It was three days ago that Karin had woken up in the middle of a field, shook off her dizziness and headache, then began to walk. The sun had been high in the sky in the late morning, and the thoughts and images whirling around her head needed to be sorted out.

The raven-haired girl continued to walk aimlessly. She would pass more grassy plains, towns filled with bustling people, red light districts that held all sorts of sinful activities, and so many people. She would look up to see faces of all different sorts, but she'd still end up unsatisfied.

A pair of electric green eyes haunted her at every turn.

Where would she find refuge? Certainly not out in the streets. But she didn't feel tired. The only thing that had been bothering her since she'd woken up was the rumbling of her empty stomach. She was starving, with no money, no place to live, not knowing where the hell she was going. The only thing that she could remember was her name and that she was really, so horribly lost.

The only thing she could think of doing was continuing to walk.

It was getting dark again, the sun setting uneventfully in the horizon, and Karin had felt an inexplicable pang of longing in her chest.

Soon she passed by a restaurant, filled with bright lights and the murmuring of content voices. The smell of the food was delicious, hitting Karin harder than she thought it would. Her stomach twisted, and she literally staggered at the force of her hunger. Was it just her, or was the world suddenly fuzzy around the edges?

"Hey! Are you okay?"

Karin snapped her head towards the restaurant again, where a girl had just exited from. She rushed over to her, long black curls flowing behind her. When Karin met her eyes, she'd recoiled. They were the most off putting shade of amber she'd ever seen, much too bright and glowing to be natural.

The golden-eyed girl had grabbed Karin's arm and helped her upright. "Wait, you aren't drunk, are you? Because Mr. Takarada doesn't like like drunks."

Karin groaned, shaking the girl off and glaring at her. "I'm not drunk, you fucking idiot. I'm starving."

The girl blinked, eyes widening and making her look even more off putting. "So you're hungry? You didn't have to be so rude about it! Just come inside to eat. I can get you something."

"I don't have any money."

"It'll be on me, then."

And Karin had proceeded to have been dragged into the restaurant by the girl, where the lights had served to give her a better look at her. She was good looking in a strange way, with olive skin, bushy, reddish brown, curl hair, and a row of crooked teeth beneath pale pink lips. The coloring of her eyes was still unusual, but they looked less intimidating outside the darkness.

The restaurant was rather large, one area filled with open tables, the side walls to one side covered in booths, and a small lounge area on the opposite side of the room where people were sitting and drinking and talking amiably. The place was about half full, but still let off a comfortable air.

Karin had then been shoved into a booth by the young girl. The former had scowled, grasping her wrist gingerly. Why the hell did she have to tug so damn hard?

"I'll be right back with something. Stay put," the girl had said with a crooked smile. Karin watched her whirl around and walk away, and noticed the bandages around her right arm. What happened to her? She shook her head to dispel the train of thought. No. That was none of her business. She settled for sinking further into her seat and glaring a the opposite side of the booth.

She returned carrying a tray of two bowls sitting on a plate of side noodles. The sight made Karin's stomach growl exceptionally loud, and she bit the inside of her cheek to keep back a blush. The tray was placed onto the table, the scent of the miso soup wafting to her nose. Karin was handed her plate and bowl and immediately began to eat.

"I'm Nakamaru Anshin," the girl said, settling herself into her seat. "And you are?"

"Kurosaki Karin." The only thing she knew, the only thing she remembered.

"So what are you doing here? Where are you going?"

Karin looked up at Anshin, an imperceptible frown settling on her face. "I'm not so sure."

* * *

**A/N: Please, don't expect updates this soon!** _Why? Because there will be times I'm going to be a lazy bastard and not update until late. Plus, school starts Monday. Pray for me guys.  
_

_Original character? Yes. Will she be a main focus? Nope. _Obviously_ the focus of this story will be the overwhelming sexual tension between Toshiro and Karin. (Just in case I get any questions.) Also, the reviews and favorites for last chapter made me smile, but ten follows? That made me grin like an idiot. Thank you guys! Keep the reviews coming! Give feedback, fangirling, long-and-meaningful things. I can only reply to long ones!  
_

_Lyrics from You and Me at Six, "Crash"  
_


	3. crossroads

**Just a dime-store poet**

**Keeping pace, talking his face blue**

* * *

"Thanks, but no thanks," Karin said as she pushed open the door of the restaurant. "I'm fine where I am."

Anshin followed her out, shivering at the cold night air while Karin remained unaffected. "But where are you going to go? To eat, to sleep? Come on. You're not being cool by wandering about alone. You're just being an idiot."

Karin's eye ticked ominously at the comment. In between twenty minutes and two hearty helpings of miso soup with noodles, this strange girl with the stranger eyes had offered her a place to stay with the owners and herself. Even with her surprisingly tactless mannerisms, she was so unnecessarily _motherly._

It was sickening.

And horribly familiar.

"I'm not trying to be cool. Or stupid," Karin answered with a shrug. It was getting hard to keep her cool, but she managed. "I have somewhere to go."

"But you _just said_ you didn't know where you're going." There was a weary tone to her voice, sounding older than she should have. "Come on. It's freezing out here and you're obviously confused. You _can't_ seriously expect to keep on going nowhere. Just stay."

"I shouldn't impose myself on you," Karin replied smoothly. She turned around to face the golden-eyed girl, whose wide eyes had narrowed to skeptical slits. "Look, I can't explain it, but I have to go."

"You'll pass out of hunger!" Anshin yelled, throwing her arms in the air. "Are you stupid? You can honestly tell me that you're like a normal soul? You have to eat regularly to stay healthy. You're just gonna end up starving yourself into a skeleton."

"There was an entire restaurant full of souls inside there."

"They eat out of choice, not necessity."

"Well that's stupid."

Anshin's nostrils flared in anger. "You're stupid! And your hair is greasy, and your clothes are a mess! Standing out in the cold for so long will get you sick! Here I am, graciously offering you a place to stay and food to eat, and you just turn it down? That's _really_ stupid."

"I'm not stupid. I've just been...looking for something." There was an edge to her voice - about damn time too. Karin had known Anshin had been prodding at her. Why hasn't she left yet? She didn't need to listen to this.

"Well, I can tell you're certainly lost," Anshin said, pity clear in unsaid words. "What are looking for?"

"Who." Karin shrugged. "Someone important, I guess."

Of course, he had to be important if she couldn't stop seeing his face whenever she closed her eyes.

.

.

.

In the end, Anshin had convinced Karin to stay, much to the latter's dismay.

Anshin lived with the old couple who owned the restaurant. They all lived on the second floor of the restaurant, complete with four bedrooms and two bathrooms, as well as a living area. She'd been living with them for more than twenty years in Rokungai - in the 17th district. She'd been a waitress for most of her life.

Karin had stayed the night, shoved into a guest bedroom surprisingly roughly, and slept the night. It was late in the morning when she'd waken up. Uncharacteristically paranoid, Karin had gotten up from her futon and padded over towards her door to look for a bathroom.

Standing on the tips of her toes, Karin stealthily walked through the hall, being sure not to make a single sound. There was one door to her right that looked promising. There was no light coming from it, and when she pressed her ear to the side of it, all she could make out was the silence.

Taking a deep breath, Karin charged open the door.

The raven-haired girl found a pair of bright amber eyes staring back at her through glasses in surprise. Karin looked around the room, scowling. There was a small futon at the other side of the room, and across from it was a large cuccoon of plush pillows and fluffy blankets, in which Anshin was currently enveloped in. She was reading a large book on what seemed to be martial arts.

Needless to say, it wasn't the bathroom.

"I've gotta pee," Karin said frankly.

"The next door to the right," Anshin answered with a crooked smile. "Take a shower and get ready too. We're going out."

The onyx-eyed girl frowned minutely. "I don't have any clothes to wear."

"I left some in your room yesterday."

"I don't know the area."

"That's why you'll be with me."

_"I don't want to go."_

Anshin shrugged, still smiling unevenly. It lessened the sharp lines of her jaw and added a feminine charm, very much unlike her next words. "Tough shit, hm? You're gonna come. And I promise you don't want me to make you."

Karin's eyes widened considerably.

"Well? Hop to it, midget," Anshin said, grin still in tact. "I'm gonna finish this chapter, then we're gonna go out to the market and get somethings. You have an hour. Try scrubbing the dirt out your hair a little more, too."

Full-on scowling this time, Karin set her eyes on the girl before exiting and slamming the door behind her roughly. She grabbed a lock of the thick, full bangs that fell over her forehead. After a short inspection, she nearly spat in rage. Her hair was completely clean. And short? How the hell was she _short?_ Karin was of average height. Anshin was the one who was too tall. Abnormally tall. Freakishly tall. And only by an inch or two.

"I'm not fucking short, buck teeth," Karin hissed.

"Certified vertically challenged," Anshin sing-songed.

"And you're ugly."

"Like I don't already know _that."_

_._

_._

_._

A little more than an hour later, the two had made their way out of the restaurant and into the streets, Anshin happily trolling along while Karin trudged a few feet behind her, scowling at the back of her head.

"Trying to burn a hole in the back of my head won't do anything," she said in her mock-happy tone. It was about as fake as her politeness. "Seriously, you should just look around and enjoy yourself."

Karin sighed heavily and ignored the girl, putting her hands behind her head as she walked. This district was different from the many she'd seen so far. The pair passed by a plethora of small fruit stands and quaint clothing shops, with ornately decorated yukatas shown in the windows. Small lanterns were strung up between the shops with wire-strings, while the large ones were hung every few feet. They were all red with orange and black accents.

She wondered what they'd look like when they were lit at night. Or were they just for decoration? Either way, they gave a festive look to the place. Karin would have to remember to come back here.

They had walked through the district's square, where the larger shops and a fountain was, more lanterns of different colors and styles. The fountain was tall and wide, shaped in the form of a folk god with flowing robes and hair, the pouring water a backdrop to the image.

In the end, Anshin had run around more than three hours, and had only bought an incredibly thick book on combat forms. It pissed Karin off pretty badly, but she did have to admit she had a good time. She was shown a bunch of places, ate food from at least four different shops, and was even convinced to come into a clothing store for a while. All in all, it had been a good way to spend the afternoon.

Anshin swung her shopping bag on her arm as she walked. She noticed that Anshin had a strange way of moving, with a natural grace, slinking forward with each elegant step. There was no overt strutting, or sway of her hips, but there was a femininity in her grace. Karin could barely hear her foot pad against the ground.

"Tell me you had a good time, and I'll shut up," Anshin prompted,

"I'm three seconds away from punching you in the mouth," Karin stated frankly, schooling her face into her usual indifferent mask.

"I get that a lot." Anshin turned around and started walking backwards, easily sidestepping people and maneuvering through the clouds. Her bright jewel eyes were trained on Karin. "You always look bored. Is that a thing with you? It's not very cool."

"Now I want to choke you."

"Then you'd have to actually be able to keep up with me, let alone catch me."

Karin automatically scoffed at the notion. Her? Not fast enough?_ Please._

Immediately, the thought deflated. Where had all that confidence come from? She hadn't ran _once_ since she'd waken up. How the hell was she supposed to know how fast she was? The only thing Karin knew about herself was her name.

Nostalgia pulled at her chest longingly, her stomach aching in misery as she could suddenly feel sweat beading down her forehead and the burn of her lungs. Her feet pushed her off the ground at amazing speeds. The wind flew at her face and rearranged her messy hair. Every body part, every cell in her body was lit on fire. For a split second, she was more alive than she'd ever been.

And there were the eyes again - his eyes that were so brilliantly striking, his eyes that left her heart thudding irregularly, his eyes that were a strange mixture between blue and green. Yet they were so familiar. They were trained on them. Those eyes were happy, annoyed, proud, regretful...

The scent of blood suddenly choked her.

.

.

.

Anshin watched Karin's face go bone-white, her brows raise, and her muscles coil in tenseness. The girl watched more carefully as Karin was wound tighter and tighter, building the worry in her stomach. Was something wrong with her? Was she sick?

But when she was met with those gray eyes - the eyes that struck her the day before with such painful clarity - she saw the ache and the confusion that she wished to never see again. It was a mystery, brushing salt into old wounds not-quite healed.

"I'm not feeling well," she choked. "I'm gonna go."

And Karin whirled around and started walking away, not hearing her shouting her name through the crowds of people, or the sound of her heart thundering in her chest in panic.

.

.

.

Karin walked a long way, too long, but when she truly looked around, she was walking by miles and miles of greenery. It was the middle of the night, the sky painted an inky black and dotted with glowing stars, but still warm enough for her sleeveless shirt and cutoff pants.

She took in a deep breathe in an attempt to calm herself and sort out her head.

The wind stirred subtly, a murmuring echoing sounding in the emptiness of the night.

Ignoring the sound, the dark-haired girl walked off the dirt field and into the grass. After a few feet, she paused to kick off her sandals and kept on walking. The feeling of the damp grass under her calloused feet was heaven. She sighed and wriggled her toes. It felt so nice, so content here. Who needed a roof over their head? Lying underneath the stars was so much more pleasing.

Here, then. With the wind blowing and the grass under her feet and the dark sky a blanketing over her head. Maybe she could think here.

Karin looked around for the softest patch of grass for a few more minutes before promptly falling onto her back. Sighing again, the young girl's eyes traced the stars and random constellations in vague interest before fluttering closed and taking in deep breaths.

A face formed behind her lids. The figure wasn't really a boy and not yet a man. The murkiness would clear the longer she focused on the image. She pictured stark white hair and the coldest pair of turquoise eyes.

_There. _Him. It was him.

All the blurry little pictures in her head that flicker in and out and away are always there, and they change from the young man with the bright hair and the girl with the brilliant smile, but the teenager with the cold blue-green eyes is always there. He's the one she manages to see the most. Glimpses of his stares, fragments of his smiles, the sharp lines of his jaw placed here and there.

It was so much like an enormous puzzle piece with a million different parts she had to go around figuring out. And how many of those pieces were missing? Was she forgetting anything?

It was so confusing, but the importance of it all weighed heavily on her shoulders without reason. Maybe it would explain why every time she imagined the boy with the white hair, something inside her would twist uncomfortably? It was like her heart was a piece of malleable dough that was molded, shaped, stretched, left feeling achey and sore. The hollow feeling was there too. The feeling that she was missing something.

Was she missing him?

Tears stung painfully in her eyes, but she shut her lids and willed them away. She felt so lost, so alone, so empty and hurt over a boy she didn't know. Hell, she didn't understand a damn thing. All that she could remember was her own name. Nothing of her past, or much of her present.

"Who are you?" Karin croaked out into the silence of the night. "_Where_ are you?"

Eventually, the tears fell; her shoulders shake pathetically as silent sobs wrack her body. Her heart longed for the white haired boy insanely, and all the unanswered questions tore at her security. Who was_ she?_ Where had she come from?

After an immeasurable amount of time, she'd fallen asleep curled up in the class just as her breathing had evened out enough. The darkness had faded into an empty blackness, then began to blur and change as she'd awoken again.

Karin was no longer lying in the grass.

It's a magnificent scene, with gigantic mountains levitating in mid air, and the recesses below them shadowed in smoky clouds. The puffy white above her moved in fast-motion, as if time itself were speeding ahead, it's backdrop a thunder storm, with the sky a luminous shade of gray, painted with rich purples and inky blues. She couldn't hear anything except for the wind whirling around her ferociously and beating against her hair and clothes.

It was horribly frightening and beautiful at the same time.

Thunder clapped, and Karin jumped, a yelp escaping her mouth and being stolen by the wind. Lightning accompanied soon after, lighting up the darkened sky to further the disastrous brilliance.

_"Why are you so frightened?"_

The loud, booming voice scared her shitless. Karin whirled around, and directly behind her stood a woman dressed in a samurai outfit in mostly white, and a matching silvery cloak strapped to her shoulder pads. A black mask that seemed melted onto her face hides her features. Her midnight-colored hair flowed behind her freely. It was a beautiful, dangerous scene.

Karin could feel the danger this figure radiated through her bones.

"Who are you!?" Karin shouted in anger. "Where am I!?"

_"This is where you live and breathe, child," _the woman commanded. Karin flinched at the voice. _"This is my world. It is here where you belong to me."_

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Karin shouted angrily. The wind around them picked up. "Who the hell are you? Tell me!"

_"I am everything you are inside,"_she said back in a whisper Karin shouldn't have been able to hear, raising the hairs on Karin's arms. The wind was thrashing violently now, whipping the samurai woman's black hair was waving around as much as her white cloak. _"I am everything you will ever be. Don't forget that, child."_

Karin's heart was hammering her her chest and her lungs- _where were her lungs? _She couldn't breathe. Air. Where was the _air_?

Finally, the world faded to black again, and everything was faded, murky yet again. The only thing she could feel the wind brushing against her skin. It was softer, calmer, caressing her skin in a comforting way. Soon, Karin opened her eyes to lock with a pair of unnervingly bright amber eyes.

"You've been crying," she said simply.

"Have not." Karin brushed the trail of tears away from her face in defeat, hoping her eyes weren't as sore and red as she felt. It was a miracle that her voice hadn't cracked - it was thick from tears. "How'd you find me?"

Anshin merely shrugged, then sat down and laid on the grass next to Karin. The latter scowled, but looked away and settled her gaze back on the sky. It was still so dark, and the sky felt lonelier than before. The stars had faded away from her vision, had muted. Their glowing quality had faded.

"Why were you crying?" Anshin asked suddenly.

Karin sighed heavily, shutting her eyes. She saw _him_ again. It was b"I'm lost. I don't know why I can't remember anything."

"You said you didn't know where you were going," she prompted quietly, pulling off her slippers with her toes and shifting her hands behind her head. "So maybe you _are_ going somewhere. Maybe it's the place you've forgotten. You just don't know it yet."

"Maybe I'll never know." Karin pursed her lips, brows furrowing irately. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Anshin stared out into the sky, blinking her glowing eyes before closing them and inhaling. It smelled so nice out here - like fresh grass and clean air. There was nothing more natural than this. "I think I'd like to forget a few of my memories for a while. They aren't the best."

"What happened?"

"I fell in love with a boy."

"It didn't work out?"

"We didn't get the chance. He's dead."

"Oh."

Anshin snickered bitterly, the sound pulling the corner's of Karin's mouth. "Yeah...he was such a bad person. Rude, arrogant, selfish. But I fell in love with him anyway," she answered wistfully. Another resentful laugh escaped her lips. "Your eyes reminded me of him."

Karin turned her head over in the grass and looked at Anshin with narrowed eyes. Her profile was all sharp angles with full lips and those strange yellow eyes. "What do you mean?"

"He had such pretty gray eyes like yours," the girl murmured. Her face crumpled into a broken frown. "They were empty. You couldn't tell anything from them unless he wanted you to. But when he dropped his guard...the pain was all too clear. The suffering made him hard and cold. It made him into who he was.

She breathed deeply, eyes fluttering closed at the weight of her emotion. "I wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him everything would be okay. I wanted to kiss away the pain in his eyes. And I'd rather he give me a hundred thousand nasty looks before he faced me with all that pain. I couldn't take it."

Anshin's eyes snapped open and she turned her head to look at Karin angrily. "Your eyes look exactly like his. Glossed over and shut off from everything. And it pisses me off."

Karin glared back. "And how is that my fault?"

"Because you're acting like a _wimp_," the brown-haired girl snapped back. Karin recoiled in shock and anger. "You walk for miles and miles going on nowhere because you're lost or you're angry or you're confused and- and you're just _like_ him. You're running away from your problems."

"Who are you to talk?" Karin hissed. This girl was going to get _choked_. "I don't even know what my problems are in the first place. You expect me to sit down quietly and meditate until I magically understand everything? Things don't happen like that."

"Then figure them out and stop being such an idiot."

It was then that Anshin sat up and began to dust the grass off of her pants before looking over her shoulder to the sun that was just finally starting to rise over the horizon. The changing colors was spectacular, but she paid it no mind. "I forgave him for not letting me help him, but I could never forget the way his eyes looked. And now it's burned into the back of my head."

The two of them sat there, watching the sunrise in silence.

.

.

.

They walked out of the field together, lazy pacing.

"What do you want for breakfast."

"Food."

"Oh my god, you ruin everything."

* * *

_**A/N:**__ NEW STORY COVER! You noticed? Thanks to my lovely, gorgeous, talented-as-hell friend on tumblr,_ gentlefeasting_. __Go follow her on tumblr! I just think it's the most gorgeous thing.  
_

_I see plenty of hits - a helluva lot more than I'd expected, but not _nearly_ as many reviews. C'mon, guys! I'd love for feedback to see how I'm doing and how I could improve. Reviews motivate me to get these chapters out faster. Seriously. And we all want faster updates. Even me. So let's all pray that school doesn't keep me from writing, hm?_

_Lyrics by Panic! At the Disco, "Mercenary"_


	4. your name

**_In the pain, there is healing_**

**_In your name, I find meaning_**

* * *

Life had fallen into place surprisingly easily for Karin.

During the days she had gotten used to working at the bustling Takarada resturant, usually as a waitress, or busing tables. The rest of the staff was friendly, and they'd become a sort of family for her. Anshin seemed to always be at her side with a joke, guidance, and a bottle of water. Her motherly tendencies balanced off her blunt and tactless nature. The girl was a walking oxymoron - diligent and mischievous, always finding the right times to wreak her havoc on the unsuspecting and ditch work whenever she could.

There were the times when she could be woken in the middle of the night on some insane midnight adventure, or when they'd work for hours on end at the restaurant when Karin thought that she'd never catch a break. Then there were the times that Anshin would shed her decievingly sincere smile for a real one; a smile that pulled her lips apart to reveal a set of unabashedly crooked teeth and gave a sparkle to her eyes.

Those were the moments when Karin thought she could keep going.

Time slipped away from her like sand in the wind, dust in her palms, being carried away by the breeze. It was oddly fleeting in a sense. Three and a half years didn't seem like three and a half years to her. The passage of time was always an awkward, difficult concept for her to understand. Everything moved so slowly. Three years had passed, and the only thing that had changed about her was the length of her hair. Unbeknownst to the rest of Rokungai, the raven-haired girl had expected much more to grow in such a seemingly significant amount of time.

The seventeenth district had been good to her. Money was tight most of the time even if she didn't have to pay for rent with the Takaradas, so her spending had been heavily restricted to only the necessities, and splurging on anything was out of the question. It was a lot easier for Karin to do than Anshin (she'd always drag Karin to look at the local clothing stores as the girl fawned over the elaborate kimonos and jewelry).

Karin's life in the Rugkongai had been smooth sailing for most of the time.

It was...fun. Content. Yet _'happy'_ was still out of her reach.

As the days wore on, her facade of contentment grew harder and harder to maintain. The voice in her head - that frightening warrior who'd she'd seen that first night in the meadow - had only been growing stronger. She was calm and controlled, but just as wicked. She could pick apart every flaw of her character, every thought in her head, and her very presence in the floating-rock world shot clawed away her defenses.

The warrior even knew about him. The boy with snowy hair and brilliant eyes- was there ever an end to this non-existent little shit? There was never any hint to his name, or where he was, how how she knew him. All she knew was that every time her thoughts strayed to him her chest twisted in pain. It was like the empty feeling in her stomach took turns with pain and anger.

So while Karin taunted and smirked through the day, the darkening circles under her eyes were a testament to the long nights she'd stayed awake, biting back her tears.

But like life, she could only move on.

.

.

.

Hitsugaya paused in the signing of mission reports when he felt it.

His jaw locked and the grip he had around his pen tightened, in danger of snapping in two. The familiarity of the reiatsu didn't strike him as much as it used to. He already knew who it was. At least, who it was _supposed_ to be.

For the past several months he'd been sensing the spiritual pressure at the strangest times of night. From a glance outside his windows, he knew it was well past midnight. Hitsugaya didn't have a clue on how he could tell where she was, but in the end it didn't matter. He knew what was going to happen.

He would get out of the seat of his chair and go on another goose-chase to find something that ultimately wasn't there to begin with.

Too many times he'd raise his hopes only to have them come crashing down in his face.

Toshiro was still unsure if his imagination had been playing tricks on him for such a long time. He'd never heard about grief turning someone insane, but over the past three years he'd been able to believe it was entirely possible.

Another wave of the reiatsu crashed into his senses, intense and heavy.

He closed his eyes, dropped the pen on his desk and leaned into his seat sagely. If he focused, he could get a more exact location on where she was. Yet the reiatsu flickered and faltered for one minute, then flared wildly at another. _Uncontrollable._ Utterly uncontrollable. Frenzied, unstabled, not safe, and any other word that pulled at his duty as a captain. Never mind that it would have been Karin. The fact that someone with this power was running around in Rokungai was dangerous in and of itself. Or it could be that he was just giving himself an excuse to go look for her.

Heaving a sigh, Hitsugaya stood from his seat, forgoing the rest of the unfinished paperwork out of spite. Most of it was because of Matsumoto slacking off. He shouldn't have to loose sleep over this.

Not for the first time, he briefly thought about the possible candidates for lieutenants in the tenth division.

Toshiro shut off the lights and closed the door to his office, disappearing in the direction opposite of his quarters.

.

.

.

"I'm not crazy," Karin muttered to herself, hands shoved into the pockets of her pants as she walked. "I'm _not_ crazy."

Then again, talking to oneself wasn't a sign of sanity, either.

She groaned aloud, physically shaking her head as if to get rid of the doubt. This was ridiculous. It was the middle of the night and she was walking around like an idiot because she had a little bad dream about a female samurai she kept seeing in her dreams. As if the bags under her eyes needed to get any worse. Wasn't this supposed to be calming? All she could do is think about that dream and _that woman._

"Crazy bitch," she muttered. "Who the fuck is she?"

If that question were answered, then she could probably rest more peacefully at night. This figment of her imagination, whatever the hell it was, had a nasty way of picking at the little things inside Karin's head and amplifying them, especially over the last few months. Shouting things she couldn't understand, confusing her worse than her head when her thoughts tended to jumble together.

Even figments of her imagination could mess around with her psyche.

_'So what does that say about me?'_ Karin thought bitterly.

The raven-haired girl continued to walk through the streets lazily, shivering every now and then when a particularly cold wind breezed by her. She gave no though to it. Better out here in the cold than inside her room where she'd succumb to sleep and to the crazy woman inside her head.

After a while, Karin had made her way into nastier part Rukongai, districts littered with strip clubs and bars that were particularly busy at this time at night. The lights polluted the darkness and raunchy music was being blasted to deafening levels. Just what she needed. She didn't want to feel the drowsiness of her tired, aching body until she got home safely.

Not that she couldn't handle herself in a fight. Getting into one wasn't ideal in the first place.

She passed by yet another of these shady bars. There was one particular establishment in this area with lots of loud shouting and crashing sounds, and the door was left wide open. There were a group of men who loitered around the entry way talking at obscenely and laughing raucously.

Karin sneered inwardly at the lot. She could already tell. They were nothing more than a bunch of lowlifes who had nothing better to do than get drunk. Disgusting.

Just her luck to catch their attention.

"Hey, girl!"

She ignored them and kept walking.

"Oi! Girlie!" one of them called out to her. She ignored the lot, keeping on with her pace as she continued to walk away. "Hey! I'm fucking _talking to you_ bitch!"

"Fuck off," she called over her shoulder, continuing to walk away.

Suddenly, though, Karin had nearly run into the very man that had called her name. Shock gripped her. How the hell had he suddenly appeared over here? And while she was too busy trying to grasp how he'd moved ten feet in the span of a few seconds, he'd already grasp her arm and roughly pulled her into his face.

The stench of smoke was the first thing she'd registered, as he'd still had a cigarette nearly falling out of his mouth. He was an average looking man with an incredibly cruel leer on his face as his eyes roved down Karin's frame. "Well aren't you a cute one. Too bad you've got sucha shitty attitude."

"You should get out of my face before I make you," Karin said, snatching her hand away from the man. She made a move to reach for the _tanto_ that was supposed to be strapped behind her back and paused for a fraction of a second. Karin didn't remember taking it with her when she'd left.

It was probably still sitting on the dresser beside her bed.

"And how do you plan on doing that?" he drawled, moving closer to her.

How _would_ she? She was weaponless and alone.

_'Fuck.'_

Karin paused for a moment, gathering her wits, and proceeded to viciously punch the brute in his stomach. He heaved over with a weak groan and fell to the ground. The dark haired girl whipped her head around to see his companions staring at her and his limp body in shock.

"You bitch!" one of them shouted. "C'mon – go _get_ her!"

'_Damn it',_ Karin cursed, looking down at the fallen body in a panic. Suddenly, she took notice of the sheathed katana strapped his hip. '_Yes.'_ She reached down and pulled out the blade, then sprinted down the dark road as fast as she could.

The men in pursuit were loud and bumbling, clearly heard and much too close for comfort. With her heart thundering out an uneven staccato in her chest, she tried to figure out an escape route with what little knowledge she had of this area. They'd passed the entertainment district and had made their way into a road of abandoned homes and shops this way and that._ 'Maybe I could cut through one of the alleys? It's dark! They couldn't possibly see me well!'_  
she thought desperately._ 'Please, please, please let me be right.'_

Karin suddenly turned left and ducked into a nearby alley, cursing when she heard one of them shouting about splitting up. She continued to run, picking up her pace when she saw the other end of the alley in her sight; the lights from another bar's sign shone clearly in bright green. All she needed to do was make her way through-

...and a tall, heavily-muscled man in dark clothing suddenly stepped in the way of the exit, causing her to skid to a halt. She cursed furiously under her breath as he sauntered towards her. She turned to look over her shoulder, and just as well, the rest of them had slowed down their pursuit to a walk as well.

You didn't need to put much effort into killing a prey already caught.

"You're done, girl," the one behind her drawled . "Attacking the boss like that most definitely deserves a punishment."

The way the words rolled off his tongue so ominously gave Karin more than a few ideas of what they had in mind. Of course, she would be more than enough to kick their asses, but not all together, while she was sleep deprived and worn out from running so much. Sinking back to the wall of the alley gave her a better vantage point of the men behind her, but not many ideas. _'I'm so fucking screwed. What the hell am I supposed to do now?'_

_"A shame. You don't even know your own strength."_

Karin shut her eyes tightly, trying to calm her erratic breathing. _Her strength._ Yeah right. Where was it now?

"_Inside you, foolish girl. Where else would it be?"_

A hand curled around her shoulder and roughly pulled her back against the chest connected to it. She could feel her attacker's heavy pants against the exposed skin of her neck, smell the sourness of the alcohol on his breathe. "Regretting it already, girl?" he taunted.

"Shut up," Karin muttered, her agitation growing as the gentle breeze turned into a windstorm. There was a jumble of startled voices around her, and then one voice that echoed a heavy sigh she didn't like. Too much, too much. Karin didn't exactly know who she was talking to when she began to scream."Shut up! Shut up, shut up, _**shut up!"**_

_"Sleep, child. Let me help you."_

She wasn't quite sure when she decided blacking out was the best idea.

.

.

.

"This is ridiculous," he spat sharply. "Where the hell _is_ she?"

How the hell could he lose her trail _this close?_

He ran a hand through his unruly white locks, eyes darting around the area. He wanted to scream, break something, maybe slap himself a few times. She'd traveled well into the sixtieth district of Rukongai from Kami-knows-where, one that was known for its raunchy entertainment and high crime rates. Hitsugaya certainly wasn't going to quit his search when she could possibly be wandering around this rat hole in the middle of the night. Of all the places she could be...

_'What buisness does she have here in the first place?'_ Toshiro thought angrily, eyes narrowing out into the horizon. It was still pitch black, and light wouldn't come for a few more hours. It wouldn't matter. He was going to stay here looking all night if he had to.

Standing on the roof of a closed shop, he shut his eyes tightly and extended the elusive sixth sense that allowed him to feel the spiritual pressure around him._ 'Come on, Kurosaki,' _he thought impatiently. His hands were clenched tightly enough to keep them from trembling. _'Show me you're here. Give me something.'_

The young captain was rewarded for his impatience with a flicker of her spiritual pressure. He snapped his eyes open, and began to make his way in it's direction. He could still feel it, faint and flickering, but steadily-

Hitsugaya almost tripped at the intensity of the wind.

The sudden strength in the once-gentle breeze around him shocked even more. Likewise, Karin's spiritual pressure skyrocketed to unfathomable level. The people below on the streets had halted in their loud conversations and began to shriek at the strength of the wind. The closer he got to her reiatsu, the stronger the wind became. Could she have been the cause of this?

Toshiro had finally made his way to the rooftop above an abandoned alley that wasn't so abandoned any more. A group of men laid in front of one entrance while another had seemingly tried to block it by himself. His brows furrowed in anger as he saw the shape of a woman standing with a small hurricane whirling around her.

And as quickly as it had come, the wind stopped, and she fell to her hands and knees panting heavily.

_"KARIN!"_ Hitsugaya roared, jumping to the ground and flash stepping to where she lay on the ground. As he got a better look at her, his entire body seemed to uncoil in utter relief. She was completely unharmed, save for the blood (that thankfully wasn't her's) soaking her shirt and the windswept hair. He gripped her arm to help her up, but she batted the appendage away, scrambling to her feet gracelessly. She looked up at him with a scowl on her face, but when her eyes locked with his, she froze.

The look she gave him halted his breath. The emotion hung heavy in the air for a silent moment.

"Toshiro," she breathed, her eyes softening. He couldn't pull his gaze away from her's, taking in her pale skin and dark eyes because his last memory of her was stained with bloodshed. Seeing her face so bright, splotched with color and utterly _alive_, shook him with unrecognizable emotion.

A heavy groan came from one of the men, and they both jumped. Karin huffed, taking a calculating look at him. There was a defensiveness to her shoulders that he hadn't noticed taking place.

"Who the hell are you?" she snapped.

Toshiro scowled. _She didn't remember him._ Wonderful. Like this would help him out. Out of _all_ the souls in Rukongai, she had to be special and forget all of her human memories. The sudden urge to punch something returned with a vengeance.

It was a miracle she'd retained even the memory of his name. The pieces started falling together much more quickly in his head. It had to be a trigger to seeing him - they hadn't encountered since her death three years before. There had to be some memories she'd retained, right? Maybe he would play this out and see where it went? He didn't like the distrust so blatantly clear in her eyes, where there had once been the unknown emotion in her eyes and the softness of her face.

Maybe she _would_ remember...

"You know me," he stated simply.

"If I did, I wouldn't be asking. Stop being an idiot."

"You just said my name, did you not?" Toshiro said, raising one white brow.

Karin scoffed, not putting down the sword that was pointed just below his neck. "Who are you?" she asked again, angry this time. "Stop playing games. I can't stand this cryptic bullshit."

"What are you doing here in the middle of the night?"

Her mouth gaped open. "Are you seriously trying to sidestep my question?" she growled

"That's not the point."

Gritting her teeth in rage, Karin pushed her sword closer to his neck threateningly, but Hitsugaya merely knocked it away with the back of his hand. her jaw fell open as it skidded away from them a few dozen feet. "I can promise you that fighting me won't get you anywhere. Especially with such a shoddy stance."

Karin glared at him, growing angrier by the second. This bastard. Who the hell did he think he was? She didn't have the time or the energy for these stupid games. She was sleep deprived and mentally worn. Arguing with random strangers dressed in strange clothing wasn't doing her any good. But the way his answers were clipped and bating washed her with nostalgia and she couldn't understand why.

"Why are you here?" she asked, trying a different approach.

"For you," he answered.

Karin pursed her lips in disapproval at the answer. For her? He didn't even-

_Yes. _He knew her name. He'd called it out to her when she'd been about to collapse. But how did he know her name? As a matter of fact, why did she call out his name? _Toshiro._ Just thinking about it gave her chills, a sense of relief flooding through her system. _Yes_, those eyes fit with the name waiting just on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to say his name over and over again and bring this strange boy closer to her because his very presence filled the hollow spot in her chest.

None of this was making any sense, but the worst part about it was that there was the darkest, foreboding feeling in her chest that _yes_, this was the boy she'd been waiting for. The boy with the white hair and brilliant turquoise eyes.

"Why are you here for me?" Karin asked him after a short pause, hesitation in her eyes.

The truth about to fall from his lips, Toshirou stopped himself. He need only look around him to find a good enough example. It was his official reason for coming here, after all. At least, that's what he'd be telling anyone if he was caught sneaking away from Seireitei.

"Your power is dangerous, Karin," he told her. "You need to learn how to control it properly."

She scoffed again, this time crossing her arms under her chest defensively. "The hell are you babbling about _now?_ What power? You keep talking in circles and I'm getting closer and closer to clocking you against the head."

He rolled his eyes arrogantly. 'As if she could,' he sneered internally, then shaking away the conceited thoughts. Now was not the time to stroke his own ego. "Look around you, and look at that sword over there. Tell me what you see."

"A bunch of idiots who got what they deserved," she said bluntly, not needing to look.

"And?"

"...blood?"

"And was there any blood on that sword?" Hitsugaya prompted.

Karin stiffened, and not because of the cold breeze that had suddenly passed by them. No, even before he'd knocked it out of her hand there hadn't been a spot of blood on it. She'd seen it clearly through the darkness because of its bright metallic sheen. That only left the obvious question: how was she able to cut these men so badly?

"Elemental-type zanpakutos are volatile by nature," Hitsugaya said, taking note of her confusion. He knew that she probably didn't understand most of what he was talking about, but it wasn't like he couldn't explain it again later. "And let me guess: you've been hearing the voice."

Karin took in a sharp breath, jaw locking visibly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I think you do," he said, voice softer, more yielding. Karin melted a little inside. It was just getting harder and harder to keep her composure around this one. That voice was too damn familiar. How could she forget something like that? "It's been calling to you. Shouting your name and telling you things you don't know and _talking in circles._ And that voice is probably the reason why you have such severe bags under your eyes."

Her shoulders slumped. Just hearing him say that made her depressed. How bad did they look? "Maybe."

"Karin," he said. "You must become a shinigami."

"What?" she snapped. Her stomach did a back flip at his words.

"You heard me quite clearly." There was a huff in his voice. "There is no other possible way for you to learn to control your reiatsu – and believe me when I say it needs to be controlled – than for you to become a shinigami. Enroll in the Academy's upcoming semester, and I can promise you that they will teach you how to deal with the voice in your head."

"So it won't just go away?" Karin blurted out, a note of panic in her tone. Hitsugaya stifled a grin. It was all very fitting. Of course, if there was one thing in the world that would frighten her, then it would have to be herself.

"No, but you will learn to...manage it, per se. It will become less of a nuisance to you," he answered smoothly. Her face fell even more into despair, and Hitsugaya was having a harder time keeping his composure. "Regardless, it's nearly morning, and you should be in bed."

"So should you, but you don't see me nagging you," she huffed. Karin casually ran a hand through her hair, praying that it didn't look as messy as she thought it was - especially in front of_ him._ It was strange how she'd nearly forgotten her appearance when he'd shown up. The bags under her eyes, night clothes, and the windswept _everything _were just more details that had happened to slip her mind the second he'd come into contact with her.

...so maybe he wasn't such a stranger after all.

_"You think?"_ the voice in her head echoed, the sound murky yet still clear. _"Idiot girl. Do you not understand the way this boy is looking at you?"_

The raven-haired girl grit her teeth again, hoping that Toshiro didn't see the rage pass over her face. _'Stop!' _she snarled internally, closing off against the voice yet again with an iron-clad will.

To her shock, it remained silent.

"Look, dude," Karin started, crossing her arms over her chest as she fell back into the conversation at hand. How could she put this into words? "I don't know who you are, and maybe I do, but I'm going to tell you right now that I have absolutely no intention of ever becoming a shinigami. Ever. It's not a career path I'd like to go on, y'know? I'm fine where I am."

"I'll take you back, then" Toshiro said, holding out his hand to her. It took a herculean amount of skill to keep from screaming at her in the anger boiling under his skin. Even after all this time, she hadn't lost the skill to make him furious without even trying. "It's late and you shouldn't be going home alone."

Karin looked at his hand, the arm connected to it, and then his face doubtingly. He sighed, refraining from making a snarky comment. "Just _take my hand."_

"And if I don't?"

Hitsugaya paused, his eyes narrowing dangerously. If that was how she wanted to play...

He grabbed her wrist in a lightning-fast motion and pulled her towards him, wrapping one arm around her back and the other lowering under her knees before flash stepping away. He distinctly heard Karin yelp girlishly, and he couldn't hide his grin this time.

.

.

.

The sun was still rising on the horizon when she'd arrived at the roof of the resturant. Hitsugaya had finally stopped at her instruction, in which Karin promptly wriggled out of his grasp and stood on the ground uneasily. She took deep breaths to ease her dizziness. It was out of sheer, stubborn will that she remained on her feet.

"Holy shit," she muttered, raking a hand through her hair. "What do you call that again?"

"Shunpo," he answered bemusedly. "To be quite honest, I expected you to handle that much better. I was going at a very leisurely pace."

Karin passed him a sharp glare. Utter bullshit. He _must_ have been lying. They'd been going so fast the entire landscape had turned into a blur of shapes and indistinct colors. Hell, she'd kept her mouth shut tightly the entire way to keep from swallowing a bug. There was no way any normal person could describe that kind of speed as _leisurely_.

"Yeah, sure," Karin said. When they'd finally met eyes, the raven-haired girl couldn't help but stare skeptically at him. He raised one brow in question. "Do you plan on coming back, or is this just a one-time thing?"

Toshiro lifted his chin indignantly. "Of course I'm coming back. If there weren't things to be done, I'd take you right now to see your family," he answered. It was Karin's turn to raise a brow.

"Family? What family?" Karin snapped, a sudden, irrational anger flaring inside of her. "I don't have a family. I woke up in the middle of nowhere three and a half years ago confused and_ alone_. The only thing I knew was my name, and honestly, how can I be sure about that either? I think I'd have known if I had any family, Toshiro."

"You would if you _remembered_, Kurosaki," Hitsugaya answered in an icier tone. Karin grew angier, unknowingly clenching her fists. This conversation was quickly deteriorating into forbidden territory. "Think about it. How could you have known my name just by looking at me? Isn't that in the least bit strange? Face it. Before Rukongai, there was Karakura, there was your family, and there was_ me._"

She saw his breathe hitch and eyes widen minutely at his mistake. But soon the small hint of emotion was wiped from his face by a cold, indifferent apathy. His eyes, though, she could read all too easily. "Kurosaki-"

"Karin," she interrupted. The look in his eyes grew hotter. "Oh, come on, you bastard. If we're so _acquainted_ with each other, then cut the bullshit and call me by my name given name."

"_Karin_," Hitsugaya drawled, stressing the name in all the wrong places. It sounded comfortably irritated, familiarly mocking on his lips. _Familiar_. "As it stands, there are people who would give the world to see you again. Your brother, sister, and father. Your family. Just because you don't know them doesn't change the fact that they love you."

The girl snorted at his words, trying to will away the images popping up in her head - _the scent of baking cake; a high, trilling, feminine laugh, startlingly orange hair connected with sharp angles and soft eyes; a scratchy beard and dark, smooth hair; loud arguments; and the pair of brilliant blue-green eyes she'd wait **much** too patiently to see-_

"How can- how can I trust you?" she suddenly snapped, facing his eyes. Those were the eyes she'd ache to see, the eyes that haunted her in her sleep. She faced them now. Suddenly, her question sounded hollow and stupid, even to her own ears.

_"How can you not?"_ the voice in her head echoed back.

Before he could answer, and before Karin could say anything more damaging, she turned away and made her way to the door of the roof. Her hand had just touched the handle when she paused, the memory floating into her consciousness like it usually had, with the images and the noises whirling inside her head. She sighed quietly through her nose, her hand clenching around the doorknob infinitesimally.

"One week," Karin called out, looking over her shoulder, not really meeting his eye (but she could still see him, face calculating, eyes worried). "You come back in one week, and you're going to explain _everything_ to me. _One week. _And not a day later."

His shoulders visibly relaxed, and his eyes softened just the slightest. "So does this mean you trust me now?"

Karin finally graced him with eye contact as she languidly, turned around and leaned against the door, her hands folding behind her head. "Well now, Toshiro, that's exactly what I'm trying to figure out," she answered fluidly, giving him a pointed, skeptical look. "I mean, you're a shady figure in the first place. A shinigami walking around Rukongai in the middle of the night, who _just_ happens to know me? It's pre-_tty_ unbelievable, wouldn't you say?"

Hitsugaya scoffed audibly, pointedly rolling his eyes. "As if I'm doing this for the fun."

The dark-haired Kurosaki shrugged offhandedly. "How would I know? You might just be _that twisted."_

Toshiro narrowed his eyes in contempt. "You're pushing it, Kurosaki."

"So we're back to formalities again, Hitsugaya-san?"

"If you so choose, Kurosaki-san."

"Hitsugaya-san, I'm getting closer and closer to choking you," Karin answered through a happy snicker, peeling herself from the door and grabbing a hold of the doorknob again. "You're lucky we'll be meeting in a crowded restuarant, or else there wouldn't be any witnesses."

"And I've told you before, fighting me won't get you anywhere," Toshiro answered back, trying to keep the smirk from his face in vain. Like it mattered - she could see the amusement sparkling in his eyes. "Until next week, then."

"Of course. Just make sure you get some sleep and a couple of showers between now and then," Karin answered. She opened the door and slipped inside, peaking out to the roof with a broad grin. "You look like a goddamned mess."

Toshiro sneered, half-playful, half-offended. "I could say the same for you. You might need a mirror, Karin. I'm sure a few birds have lodged their nests into your hair."

Karin gasped, not entirely sure if she was offended or not - it was probably true anyway. "Bastard! Come say that to my face!"

"That close to your face? I'd rather not," he answered in an uncharacteristically wistful tone. Instead of angering her further, Karin froze on the spot as the smile melted from her face, eyes widened, and her chest feel hollow again. The words seemed to slap her across the face with a startling force. The voice rung inside her head, echoing the phrase, and every part of her being heard. It took seconds for her to register his eyes growing colder, face masked with apathy again.

"Oi! Toshiro-!,"

But he'd already disappeared.

* * *

_A/N: So since I gave you a HitsuKarin reunion AND playful banter, does this mean that you won't throw fruit at me? No?_

_Oh, Hitsugaya. Do you seriously expect for Karin to be swayed just by your sexy voice and stunning good looks? Please. And why does Karin not want to be a shinigami in the first place? But no, here's the most pressing question: why was this chapter so hard to finish? Oh wait! I know! Because I'm lazy and AP Gov is a bitch. Not to mention this was originally TWO chapters, but since this was pretty late coming, I decided to mush them together because HITSUGAYA, DUH. Also, a big thanks to kissonthechic for her lovely review (and excuse any and all grammatical errors, please. I'm so sorry. I know, they're a major turn off for a fic, but I don't have the time to edit as thoroughly as I wish and I don't like others editing my work. Bless you for staying with me on this)._

_This chapter was REALLY fun to write, though. Even though it's almost five thousand words. Seriously. I mean, 2-3k is usually a decent chapter for me (at the very least 2k). But you know what's more fun? READING REVIEWS._

_...you know what to do._

_Also - next three chapters are a flashback sequence!  
_

_Lyrics by Lifehouse, "Broken"_


	5. careful: one

**_I settle down, a twisted up frown_**

**_Disguised as a smile, well_**

**_You would have never known_**

* * *

_- Seven Years Earlier -_

Karin jogged towards the benches that resided on the side of the field and fell gracelessly onto the seats. Sweat was pouring down her forehead and shoulders and her muscles burned with overuse. All the energy had been soaked from her body with today's practice.

She leaned over the bench and pulled out the large duffle bag from underneath it. "Water, _water_," she whined agonizingly as she searched inside of the bag for her water bottle. "Ugh. Where's my water?"

"Oi, Kurosaki! Heads up!"

Karin's head snapped up fast enough to see the bottle flying towards her face, but she caught it before it could make contact with her nose. Greedily, she pulled the top open and drank in large gulps, then proceeded to pour some on her forehead and face. "Thanks, Paku."

"Don't go thanking me," the older girl answered. She was the captain of the girl's soccer team, a senior, with thin shoulders but an otherwise athletic build. Her wavy blonde hair was pulled up into a complicated knot that she used for practice. Her eyes, however, were a calculating inky black. "I didn't say for you to _drain_ the damn thing."

"Oh well," Karin answered with a shrug, making a point to take another swig of the water then squirt some of it over her hair and face. It was quickly snatched away, but she merely snickered. "How were the Nationals last week?"

That brought a slap-happy grin to the girl's face. "Ah-_mazing_. There was actually a scouter for the country's team, and I heard that they were looking a for a few new recruits," Paku answered happily. It was true that the girl had a large chance - Romi Paku was one of the best soccer players out of the country. Even Karin wondered if she could surpass her, though she was only a freshman. Time could only tell.

"That's sounds cool," Karin commended. "You're seriously going places."

"Ironic you'd be telling me that, eh?"

"Oi, what're you talking about?"

Romi said, cocking out a hip as she crossed her arms. "You're kidding me. Come on, you aren't stupid, are you? You're the only freshman to ever be on the senior soccer team, Kurosaki. And you're one of our main starters. Kid, if you play your cards right, _you'll_ be the one going places."

Karin looked away from the older girl, a furrow in her brows, a pensive expression crawling on her face. "Well, I'm going to head out," she said, grabbing her duffel bag and slinging it over her shoulder. "And I'm taking your water."

"Whatever. Just bring it back for Friday's practice, or you'll be running laps," Romi rolled her eyes, but turned to leave and continue the practice drills with the other team members. "Oh, and remember the pep rally too, runt! If you ditch, I'll find you!"

"As if I'd miss out on a chance to skip class!" she called back cynically.

Karin walked home in a pensive mood, dragging her feet lazily. The sun was starting to lower, but she was in no rush. There were too many things on her mind. It was late in the semester, and the September was beginning to chill. High school, she had learned, was a dizzying array of classes, extracurricular activities, homework, sports teams, disproving the expectations of her older brother, trying not to become the victim of a freshman prank, and the word _future_ being thrown at her every few seconds.

Future. _Her_ future. Honestly, the girl had never given it much thought. It had always seemed so far away. There were more important things to worry about, like a project due, or a scheduled practice for a game, or whether or the hungry hollows that appeared much too often to lurk around the town for prey.

She pursed her lips in displeasure. Yes, there were many more things important than the distant future.

Yet, it wasn't so distant any more, was it? College wasn't so far away, and after that would come a career. What would she do then? Karin had always quietly pondered the idea of becoming a doctor like her father (except more professional and less psychotic), but her heart was in soccer. There was nothing more exhilarating than running along the field with her blood racing through her veins and formulating strategies in the heat of the game.

The future. Her future. What would she be doing then? Where would she be in ten years time? Scoring winning goals on the field, or stitches up patients in an operating room? _'I have options,'_ Karin thought with finality. _'I have time, too. Three years is a long time. Long enough to figure out where I'm going, at least.'_

The sudden, indescribable feeling of a knife being shoving through her skull made Karin stumble and bite back a shout of pain. Though excruciating, the feeling was familiar, and brought a bubble of panic into her throat. Once Karin could stand steadily on the ground again, she shut her eyes and focused on the pain in her head, focused on the direction the pressure was in.

When she could find a distinct location, Karin slipped off the duffel bag from her shoulder and bolted down the street.

Karin internally focused on the small ring on her right index finger. It was simple, glossy, and elegant, with a swirling design that wrapped around the small digit. Almost immediately, the metal began to glow, stretch, wrap around around her knuckles, melting across the skin of her arm and onto her pointer finger.

She swerved right to turn a corner on the nearly deserted streets, following her sixth sense to where the hollow awaited. It was the abnormal skill she'd gained over the past year and a half that let her sense these monsters more accurately: even if she closed her eyes, she could still almost see the world. She sensed the world around her, a world of pure energy, with varying degrees of strength and signatures.

Hollows always caused her head to ache and overloaded her head with the malicious energy. The ache in her head had dulled significantly from earlier, and the sixth sense she that had laid vaguely in the back of her mind led her through the streets of Karakura to her target.

"Well hell, maybe I could hunt hollows for a living!" the raven-haired girl grunted as she picked up her pace and swerved another corner, this time into an alley, with a large serpentine hollow cornering a young plus.

"Oi! You over sized shit!" Karin hollered from across the the alley. The hollow turned in her direction, and she could clearly see the spirit cowering in fear against the tossed-over trashcans and brick wall. It was the young boy, no older than five, with the burn scars that melted away half of his face and down his neck.

"Run!" she called out to him. He'd nodded fearfully, taking a moment to look between the monster slithering in her direction and her face, then immediately bolted.

Karin raised her right arm - the one encased in the glassy metallic gauntlet - and focused her energy outward, charging and electrifying the the air around her. She shot a bolt of electricity towards it's mask, right between it's raised eyes-

The hollow merely disappeared.

"The hell?" she snapped, immediately sinking into a defensive crouch and whirling her head around her. How the fuck had it been able to move that fast? But she had no time to process the question - the beast appeared from literally nowhere and charged ferociously at her. This time, it was Karin's turn to dodge, jumping a dozen feet into the hair and flipping backwards, landing on the roof of the building facing the alley.

The two began to dance, Karin miraculously dodging all of the hollow's well-aimed attacks by whirling away at the last second, and shooting bolts of electricity at it's mask. It didn't run at her with it's long, vicious claws, but it's vicious fangs and teeth.

Soon, Karin was breathing heavily, as her stance became sloppier and attacks less coordinated. A cut bleed freely on her forehead, and a larger gash was open on her right shoulder that burned. The hollow barely had a scratch on it. It was too fast for her to get a hit in. She paused on another rooftop over looking the alley, eyes sharp as she scanned the area and that to see where the hollow had disappeared to again. She quietly charged the arm again for a larger, more powerful attack. _'This one is slippery,'_ she thought._ 'But if I get **one** shot on it's mask...'_

Karin didn't process the lightning-quick subtlety of the shift in the atmosphere, charged with the malicious energy once again. She didn't hear it's movement, or see it charging towards her unguarded side until it was too late. She turned, eyes doubled in size, and her stomach dropped somewhere in her shoes-

It's jaws were opened sharply, rushing faster, _closer_-

"Goddamn it," she muttered, raising her arms in a futile attempt at protecting herself-

Through the fangs of the hollow's open mouth, she could see nothing.

Suddenly, she was _literally_ swept her off her feet, body becoming airborne. The blinding movement disorientated her senses. She hadn't realized she'd closed her eyes until she'd opened them. A blur of white and black was all she could make out before she'd finally stopped. Karin was held in a pair of arms, pressed against a chest, but she focused, blinked, and bit back her gasp of shock.

The face was almost familiar, but his eyes she remembered all too clearly.

Which, at the moment, were glaring at her with poorly concealed rage.

"I'll expect a proper explanation for what the hell you were doing," Hitsugaya Toshiro said authoritavely. His voice held his anger remarkably, as well as a cold apathetic expression he wore. Karin could only blink and try to take everything in. "Just stay here for now."

By the time she realized she was supposed to be scowling, he'd already unsheathed his blade and moved out of hearing shot - so blindingly fast she couldn't see him until he'd reappeared in front of the snake-like hollow that she'd been fighting. Then he'd charged for the beast, with grace and control and such frustrating ease, with a swing of his katana.

The beast was encased in ice before it shattered into pieces.

Karin watched with narrowed, contemptuous eyes as the white-haired young man sheathed his blade once again. And a young man he was. It had been almost four years since she'd last seen him - that day at the soccer field with her friends now long gone-

"Is there a reason why you've taken to fighting hollows?" Toshiro asked, suddenly next to her, and Karin kept her bodily reaction down to minimal flinch as she turned to glare at him. "Has it become some sort of day job for you? Or a hobby? Or maybe you get some sort of _satisfaction_ from almost getting yourself slaughtered on a daily basis. _Do tell."_

His words were harsh and lashed at her like a whip. It ignited her own anger. Her fists were clenched fiercely, shaking, trying in vain constrain herself. The wound on her arm screamed in protest, soaking her shirt with more blood. She locked eyes with him and barely blinked.

But as it stood, that was pretty difficult too. The boy disguising himself a shinigami captain had grown into a young man of nineteen. The lines of his face had hardened aristocratically, with a sharp jaw line and high cheek bones that made him look stunningly handsome and brought out the striking quality of his eyes. He was definitely taller, towering over Karin by at least three inches; his hair was longer, a few locks falling over his forehead; a tattered scarf wrapped around his neck, and the haori he wore now sported longer sleeves.

The only thing that seemed to remain the same were the unique coloring of his eyes and the shitty attitude he still sported.

_'This would be a lot easier if he didn't look like he was just coming from a goddamned modeling shoot,'_ Karin thought bitterly. Suddenly, she was hyper aware of the fact that she was sweaty, still in her soccer uniform, and her hair had come undone from her ponytail. _'Fuck. Just my goddamned luck. I totally look older in the school uniform.'_

Karin internally paused, horrified.

Why the hell would she care how she looked in front of_ Toshiro?_

"_Oi, _don't speak to me like that, you little shit!" she snarled, poking him in the chest lividly, pushing aside her inner rant. It didn't matter what he looked like. She was Kurosaki Karin, and absolutely _no one_ spoke to Kurosaki Karin like she was an idiot. "And watch you goddamned tone! You sound like you're fucking _barking_! And what the hell are you doing hereanyways, shrimp?" As expected, he bristled noticeably at her last comment.

"I'm taller than you," Hitsugaya snapped, smacking her hand away. He calmed down considerably at her outburst, but he still looked considerably angry."And I'm here because of the multiple reportings of hollows appearing one second, and disappearing minutes later. This has been happening since last June, and I do believe I've found the culprit."

The Kurosaki rolled her eyes distastefully, walking around him to the edge of the rooftop. She cursed her stupidity. Why would she think for a second he'd come here to actually _see her?_ It's not like she'd seen him in ages. "Seriously? You're here for little old me? It would have been nice if you called before hand, though," Karin spat sarcastically. "Well, now you know not to worry. It's just me. You guys should be grateful, actually."

Hitsugaya scoffed, his eyes burning brighter. "Excuse you? What am I supposed to be grateful for? You are purposefully putting yourself within harms way, doing something that is not your responsibility," he lashed out icily. Karin grit her teeth, still not facing him.

"Not my responsibility?" she spat rhetorically. "Are you kidding me? Am I supposed to sit quietly in class with my legs crossed while hollows are running all over the goddamned place, eating spirits? Please. This is as much my responsibility as it is yours."

_"Don't,"_ Toshiro hissed. "No one _ever_ told you protecting Karakura was your responsibility!"

"Look, it's not like I'm _enjoying_ it." The venomous tone she used was like a whip - he'd visibly recoiled at her harshness. "You don't think I have better things to do than fight monsters? No. Hell no. But Ichigo is never here, the shinigami here isn't doing his job, and I'm the only thing standing between these hollows and spirits."

She wasn't surprised at her words. Karin hated the long nights of hollow-hunting, where she'd get a mere handful of hours before she had to go to school. She'd hate seeing her grades suffer from her lack of studying, and focus in school. She hated having to skip out on soccer practice, or go out with her friends, or her classes, when the ache in her head warned her of an approaching threat.

She hated coming home with bloodied clothes and weary muscles. She hated the scars on her shoulders and arms.

"Kurosaki," Hitsugaya called, and she turned her head lazily. In the dark, he stood out like a light, with his turqoise eyes and stark white hair. His eyes softened considerably, twisting her her heart painfully. "Karin, you must not understand the gravity of this situation. Five minutes ago you would have been _dead_ had I not shown up when I did."

Karin looked away again, trying not to smile at the use of her given name. "I would have been _fine_," she lied smoothly. I've been in worse situations without any help, Toshiro. Honestly. And I'm doing a pretty good job. You have to understand where I'm coming from.

"There is nothing to understand," Hitsugaya stated with finality. He turned to look at the horizon in front of them, and it was nearly dark. Only a sliver of orange-pink light permeated the skies. How long had they been out? Yuzu was probably giving herself a migraine out of worry for her. "Regardless, it's much too late to be discussing this right now."

"Smartest thing I've heard you say this whole conversation," Karin growled, making sure her voice carried over to him. The silvery metal gauntlet still wrapped around her arm. It detracted back into the plain, silver ring. Karin turned to face Hitsugaya, not noticing the intense glare he was giving her hand."Now, if you will excuse me, Yuzu is probably worried sick over-,"

"Give me that ring." Hitsugaya eyed the seemingly harmless piece of jewelry. Karin balked with mouth hanging open. "What, you expect me to let you keep a weapon as a means of fighting hollows? You're mad. I'll also be contacting Urahara, since he is the only person to have made such a thing. Now make this easier for the both of us, and _hand it over."_

Karin's eyes flashed dangerously, and he could see her teeth gritting in rage. Carefully, she held out the hand containing her ring towards him. Hitsugaya plucked the object from her hands neatly and hid it safely inside his haori. She felt herself deflate, like a balloon that jabbed with a sharp object. Her shoulders felt heavier.

"Whatever," she heard herself whisper. The raven-haired girl turned away and jumped off of the building, landing in a crouch and sprinted away. She pretended to not hear Toshiro calling her name.

.

.

.

She sat on the roof of her house, wrapped in a blanket, with her bulky purple headphones over her ears, lulling her with soft voices and the twinkling of a piano, instead of the usual heavy strumming of a guitar and incessant wailing. her forehead was bandaged cleanly, and her arm had been (with very much effort) stitched over by herself.

Sleep evaded her for hours before she gave up and climbed up here. It was easier to think up here, with the sky laid out before her, and dotted with stars.

Karin thought about her future, she thought about the hollows that had becoming particularly harder to fight, about her sister, about her brother, and about the white-haired shinigami she hadn't seen in years.

It was hours later, when the sun had started to rise again, that she came to one conclusion

She wasn't going to give up. And she'd be damned if someone tried to stop her from fighting hollows. Tomorrow morning, she'd go to see Urahara for another weapon, a better one, a stronger one, that she could use to fight the hollows that kept cropping up. Then, if she saw Hitsugaya again, she'd flip him off and hopefully catch him with a bolt of lightning. Or maybe her fists would work better.

Fuck Toshiro. She had a responsibility towards these spirits, especially if the dude who was supposed to be protecting them was slacking off.

When it was almost time to get ready for school, Karin climbed back down to her window and slipped inside, yanked out the cord of her alarm clock from it's outlet, tossed her headphones back onto her dresser, and crawled back into her bed. An age-old weariness crept into her bones, weighing her down.

_'Urahara can wait,'_ Karin thought before drifting into unconsciousness.

* * *

___A/N:_Ugh, anime boys like Toshiro are the reason while I'll always be alone: no real ones ever compare ;a;  


_All these favorites, follows, and reviews are making me crazy happy. You guys are awesome! Thank you so much for reading! It's surprising to think that people like my writing. Just. Wow. Thank you guys :D  
_

_____Lyrics by Paramore, "Careful"_  



	6. careful: two

**You'd make your way in **

**I'd resist you just like this.**

* * *

"Ah, Hitsugaya-san!" Urahara drawled, a mysterious smile hidden behind his fan. "Do come inside."

The white haired captain stepped farther into the small candy shop and gave a skeptical glare to the older man. "Urahara, I have to speak with you about-,"

"Karin-chan, I presume?" Urahara answered, walking forward with a vague gesture for Hitsugaya to follow. He merely sighed, and let himself be led into a small room with a flat table. "Please, sit."

It took another sigh for the young man to gather his wits and sit.

Urahara whirled away for a moment with that same strange smile, and slid open the shoji door energetically and nearly skip away. A few minutes later, he picked up on the sound of excited murmurs, then Ururu came in with a steaming cup of what looked to be green tea. He nodded at her politely, and she bowed back before walking silently out of the room.

After a few minutes - _'I'm not getting any younger, __**honestly**__,'_ he thought irritably - the former shinigami captain returned, along with the God of Flash herself. Yoruichi strolled into the room, her own smirk matching Urahara's: unknowing, untelling, as if hiding a hiliarious joke from him. It only served to piss Toshiro off. .

"Do tell me the problem, Hitsugaya-san," Urahara said as he took a seat across from the small table, but Yoruichi merely stood by the door's entryway, quietly watching the two.

Hitsugaya merely pulled out Karin's silver ring from the inside of his haori and placed it onto the table. "First things first. Why did you create a weapon for Kurosaki Karin - a _human girl_ - to fight reiatsu-enhanced hollows that managed to inflict injury on a fukutaicho?"

"Hitsugaya-san, I had no other choice," Urahara answered in a voice much calmer than the young captain. "The girl needed something to defend herself with. Who do you think the hollows were targeting? They were attracted to her like moths to flames. A simple soccer ball wouldn't do anything."

Toshiro instantly cursed the incredibly valid response, trying to keep from clenching his fists under the table. Over the past few months, pluses had been changing into hollows faster and faster, and becoming more powerful. There were some that even had added powers, being able to use Cero, and others having more power than Menos Grandes.

Soul Society had been particularly stumped, and had more than a few shinigami out of commission because of the surprising increase in power of these hollows. Now only seated Shinigami were allowed to be on patrol. And these monsters had been following around Karin, possibly attacking her. Had she been injured before? Or maybe her sister?

"Be that as it may," Hitsugaya answered with a steely tone, "you could have easily done for the patrolling shinigami - whose job it is to fight hollows and protect the town - instead of Karin. She is a human girl, and her fighting skills are highly inadequate. She could have very well lost her life."

"Ah, Hitsugaya-san, but you do not understand the call of a scientist," Urahara said carefully, a slow, off-putting smile finding it's way to his lips. "The call of a scientist is a very...alluring one. Kurosaki Karin is a rarity in and of herself, being a shinigami half-breed. She is proving to become very powerful, and has as much potential as her brother. She could very well become an enormous asset to Soul Society in the near future."

The transformation that Toshiro went through was startling. His eyes narrowed into dangerous slits, but his voice was truly frightening - he was hissing and spitting like a demented snake. "So this is all for your own curiosity? For some sort of misguided scientific endeavor? Urahara, let me warn you that an experiment is not worth testing when the risk is at someone's_ life_. Or perhaps you're too oblivious to even _care _that this girl gets closer to dying every time she battles?"

Urahara's smile was swept away in an instant. "Every experimentation has runs the risk of mistakes, Hitsugaya-san. Our knowledge isn't absolute. That is why we test things, that's why we end up miscalculating-"

Hitsugaya stood abruptly. "But when that miscalculation is at the risk of_ **killing her-!**"_

"All for the sake of knowledge."

The urge to jump over the table and wring this man's neck was startlingly fierce, and the vice grip of his anger was slowly choking him, willing him into action, but he wasn't so far gone. Toshiro knew damn well that if he got into a fight with this man, he would most surely loose, especially when his fury always seemed to make him toss caution into the wind for bloodlust.

Self control. Self control was necessary. Otherwise he'd be nothing more than a child who couldn't control himself.

And Toshiro was no child.

Hitsugaya rudely walked away, out of the candy shop, out into the cold night air, and he flash stepped away until the anger let go of his chest and he could breathe again. He stopped at the roof of a nondescript building and regained his breath, soaking in the chill of the nighttime air.

This was too much. Karin was in danger, with these hollows constantly stalking her, and looking to drain her of her abundance of spiritual pressure. He couldn't feel her now, but before, when she'd been yelling and hissing at him, her energy had been flaring quiet enough to attract any sort of beast as a warning signal. And he had the sneaking suspicion that girl had grown into quiet an angry person (it couldn't have been just him, it just _couldn't_).

The girl was in a constant state of danger, and she was probably trusting a man to make sure she wasn't putting herself in harms way when he couldn't care whether or not she was still breathing all for research - Kursotsuchi-taicho briefly crossed his mind, and now he understood why Urahara would have ever chose that man to be his successor. The second he left, she'd be in even more peril.

He snorted aloud, a wry smile finding it's way to his face. "I certainly can't leave now, can I, Karin?"Well, it wasn't like he would pass up an excuse to stick Matsumoto with all his paper work for the next few weeks. Perhaps even _months._

Toshiro's smile grew.

.

.

.

The small chirping of her phone pulled Karin into consciousness. She groaned loudly, shifting from her side to her stomach to search for the small device. She grasped it, and squinted at it with bleary eyes. She noted that it was 10:07, mentally calculating that she'd missed first and second period, and would be late for third.

"Fuck Psychology," Karin grumbled. At the top of the screen, a small banner displayed the small message icon with a bright number three beside it. She tapped it, and scrolled through the texts.

_Runt, you better be here before seventh period_, the one from Paku said. Karin scowled at it, scrolling away.

_Rin, there's some dude with white hair looking for you. Looks familiar. You know anyone with white hair?,_ the second one read. She immediately stiffened, re-reading the message that her best friend Daisuke sent. Of course she knew someone with white hair, but a better question was why the fuck he was at her school _looking_ for her.

Karin choked on her spit.

She tossed the phone back onto her dresser and jumped out of her bed, running to the bathroom.

.

.

.

"Dad! I need a note for school! I'm late!"

"Karin-chan, my darling! Of course I'll give you one! Whatever for?"

"I don't know! Make something up!"

"And can I get a ride, too?"

"Only if I get a kiss!"

"_Ugh! _Forget I mentioned anything!"

.

.

.

It wasn't a very long walk.

Karin hitched her backpack higher onto her shoulders, shoved her hands into the pockets of her skirt and began her slow trek on her way to school. The sunlight reflected the world in a soft, yellow glow that was the mid-morning. It was moderately warm as well, even though it was nearing October. It was a perfect time to think.

_'What the hell is he doing at my school?'_ she thought angrily, kicking a nearby rock. _'First, he has the nerve to come to me and tell me what to do - not even Goat Chin does that! - and then he takes away the ring. Does he really think he can stop me? I might as well be in charge of protecting Karakura town. No one else is doing it.'_

And no one else was doing it. Karakura was practically defenseless against the Hollows that had been coming in larger, more powerful groups as of lately. She'd been having to do more and more, and Karin was wearing herself out. That didn't mean she couldn't handle herself though. She'd been doing pretty damn well for years before Toshiro had appeared and deemed her useless.

Karin shook her head, as if to disspell the thoughts at their tracks. "It doesn't matter if he doesn't look like an elementary schooler any more. He's still an irritable little shit with a superiority complex," she muttered to herself. "And I'd be he'd look ten times better with a black eye or two."

The image of Hitsugaya shuffling around with bruised eyes, hiding his face in shame popped into her head, and Karin threw back her head in boisterous laughter. The little shit was right to cower in fear. She was Kurosaki Karin, for god's sake. Toshiro didn't have a damn right in bossing her around.

The raven-haired girl's laughter soon died down, as her head traveled into more depressing thoughts. And here she'd been thinking that the next time she'd see him would be when he'd show up to play another game of soccer. This wasn't the sort of reunion she wanted to have with a friend. Or whatever they were. He was still a friend, by whatever loose definition or category he fit in...

"Maybe we shouldn't have been so mean to each other," Karin thought aloud. "Ugh. When he stops being an asshole, then I'll be nicer."

She hated having a conscience.

When Karin had arrived at school, she headed towards the main office, handed them her note, and grabbed her tardy pass and headed to third period. Psychology was already half-way through, and fortunately for her, she realized that there was a sub.

The girl handed her pass to the substitute, and he left towards the desk to count her absent while she rushed over towards her seat near the back, next to a bored Daisuke who had finished his given worksheet assignment and was busy playing a game on his phone.

"Oi, Karin," he said without looking up. Fuma Daisuke was a tall, lanky young man with black hair and moderately pale skin. The only striking thing about him were his eyes - a brilliant green that caught everyone's eyes. They'd been friends since elementary school, since they'd first met on the soccer field. He'd been trailing after her ever since. "That dude is still looking for you. Yuki went to the bathroom ten minutes ago and the dude went up to her and asked him about you."

Karin scowled in anger. She slipped off her backpack, and began to work on the assignment on her desk, quickly scrawling down the characters of her name and then answering the questions. Psychology wasn't particularly hard, and the text book was surprisingly intriguing. She'd read ahead at least six chatpers already. Homework was a breeze. This thing was just a review from their last test.

"Tell me what he looked like. Exactly how he looked like," Karin prompted as she quickly went through the questions. "Don't leave a thing out."

"He looked pretty freaking familiar, anyways," Daisuke said, pocketing his cell and shifting in his desk so that he was turned towards her. "White hair, really tall - this dude looked like he could be in _college_, actually - these really bright blue eyes-"

Karin sighedheavily, interrupting him. "Green. They're green."

And she was _screwed_.

"How do you even know that? Furthermore, who even cares? it's not like I was gazing into his eyes passionately or some shit," he said. "Have _you_? I didn't take you for the fangirl-type, Rin. I've been misled all these years."

She kicked him in the shin and he jumped.

"Ouch! God, you didn't have to kick me that hard!" Daisuke screeched girlishly. "But whatever. Hey, did you know we're having a pep rally today? And nobody bothered to tell me that I get to miss two periods today! That's a blessing."

"I could have told you, but I thought you already knew," Karin answered dully, returning to her work. "The team captain's been reminding me all week. Which sort of sucks, because if I don't go, then she's probably going to try and gouge my eyes out."

"Why wouldn't you want to go?"

"The team's being presented to the school in the middle of the entire student body, and for the rest of the day, I need to stay as inconspicuous as possible." She shoved her pen back into her pocket, and flipped over the finished worksheet. Daisuke raised a brow at her, waiting for an elaboration.

"Annnnnnnd...?" he prompted.

Karin rolled her eyes, turning fully towards him. "I need to avoid the guy looking for me _for the rest of the day. _And if you're as good a friend as you preach, then you'll help me out."

* * *

**A/N:** _Karin, you fool. Hitsugaya's obviously looking for you to confess his undying love for you. Hehe. Y'all wish...actually, I wish. It would certainly make this story easier to finish. Welp, throw a few reviews my way! How'd you like Daisuke? Unfortunately, I couldn't find the names of any of her friends in her soccer crew so let's just assume he's one of them, hm? In the mean time, check out all the one-shots I've been posting! Especially if you're a SasuSaku fan._

_Lyrics by Paramore, "Careful"  
_


	7. careful: three

**Open your eyes, like I opened mine **

**It's only the real world -  
**

**A life you will never know.**

* * *

When Karin was really young, she'd like to watch cartoons filled with action, violence, blood, superheros, super villans, but her favorite was the one with the blonde loudmouth who wanted to be the greatest ninja in his village. She found it more than a little ironic that she was practically playing ninja like she used to as a kidShe wasn't really sure whether to laugh or groan.

Successfully avoiding Hitsugaya meant not having to deal with him inside school, where people she knew could see them. The raven-haired teenager wasn't particularly keen on wanting to know what the hell he even wanted, but the fact of the matter was that he shouldn't have been at her school in the first place.

So as she went on in her day, she'd suppressed her energy to merely whispers to match the levels of the rest of the student body and made her way through hiding through crowds and ducking into classrooms when she saw even the barest flashes of white.

Daisuke thought she was crazy.

Karin was starting to think he was onto something.

And in all reality, she might as well have been, because the best reason she could think of not wanting to be anywhere _near_ Hitsugaya was because his breath was almost as offending as his face. Which, of course was bullshit because his breath smelled fantastic, but lying to herself was easier than admitting any truth.

The white-haired captain had more skill in wounding her pride than her olfactory senses.

Karin was still incredibly pissed that Hitsugaya had to come around and save the day like she was a princess screaming for help and was clutched in the jaws of a fire-breathing monster. But lo and behold, he marched through in his white haori and incredible reiatsu, destroying a Hollow that would have taken her an hour in a matter of minutes. While she knew he'd never deliberately call her weak and insult her abilities, he'd done so quite efficiently in the most indirect way when he was only claiming to keep her safe.

Her ego had been efficiently shrunken down to size. How could she be grateful to that, for anything he said, just because he happened to be at the right place at the right time? It was far too much to swallow.

It was true that the Hollows had been becoming stronger: she'd witnessed it herself over the past few months. At first, it started with things like increased speed, but then they came with higher levels of reiryoku that would give her splitting headaches. It was as irritating as it was scary. What would have happened if she did die? Who would protect Karakura then? Ichigo sure as hell wouldn't be taking the job.

He'd completely emasculated her when he'd swooped in on her fight, taken her only weapon to fight hollows with, then told her to stay and home and play nice.

Karin bit her lip as she made her way to lunch, walking securely behind Daisuke's tall frame, quietly looking over her shoulder with all the cowardice in the world. It was strange enough that she was walking so unusually close to him. She heaved a tired sigh. Like she had the energy to deal with anything involving him.

She didn't think she'd ever been so humiliated in her life, and there was only one person witnessing her shame. And maybe it was _because_ it was Toshiro that she felt so vile? Even thinking of his face brought nothing but bitterness and muted anger.

The raven-haired girl slowed her walk, moving farther and farther away from Daisuke before she was a far enough distance away to turn around and sprint through the crowd, into the emptier hallways of the second floor. Those classes filed out for the fifth period lunch she had.

Karin jogged up the stairs, scruffy uniform shoes clacking along the linoleum floors, and then when she made it to the pristine, white and pale-blue colored hallways that were all but deserted, the light coming in through the floor-to-ceiling windows poured in pale, pre-autumn light. Turning away, he jammed her fists into her skirt pocket and walked with a staggered pace, letting her legs wander along with her mind_._

Toshiro was a captain in Soul Society. Karakura wasn't his responsibility._ 'And technically, it's not mine either, but that's just becuase it's not written down on official papers,'_ Karin mentally lamented, her brows furrowing in irritation._ 'This is my town. My **home**. Does he honestly expect me to sit down and drink tea while Hollows run around wild? Who the hell does he think he is?'_

Possibly a captain of the Gotei 13, who'd finally stopped looking like he was a twenty-year-old midget, but the sudden boost in his ego didn't mean a damn thing to her. She'd pop it like an over-inflated balloon if need-be ("-and maybe his over-inflated _head_," she muttered violently).

Suddenly, the bell rang shrilly, wrenching her out of her thoughts and pulling her back to reality.

The rest of the day crawled by with sluggishness, a slow anxiety creeping through her veins like the creeping autumn chill seeping through the class windows. It didn't help that she could almost feel someone staring at her from the back of class - a scrawny sophomore with dirty black hair - but she made it through the rest of the day without any intrusion. When the last bell rang, she nearly jumped out of her seat to get to the front of the building to wait for her sister.

They walked side-by-side, lazily making their way home.

Usually, their walks home would be filled with conversation and giggling (_mostly_ from Yuzu), but nowadays, Yuzu wasn't as happy, and Karin didn't know what to say to fill the long silences that seemed to stretch on like the road in front of them. The walks home eventually grew to accustom the absence of the bouncing voices that used to fill everything with life.

Nothing had been very lively lately at all.

_'Another thing that you can't do right,'_ Karin silently tutted to herself. Her eyes slid sideways to watch her sister, who's serene face hid her thoughts quite well. Maybe she'd been taking a few notes from her raven-haired sister. _'And to think that making her gush used to be the easiest thing in the world.'_

They continued walking quietly, listening to the breeze flutter through their clothes and hair when another one of Karin's headache's set in.

At first, it was a slow, gradual thumping in her head that grew in pain and clarity. She scowled as she brushed the pads of her fingers against her temple. Her body was going out of control. Her heart started to hammer fiercely in her chest, her skin drew goose bumps, and her breathing started to constrict. And the fuzzy feeling in the back of her head...

"Yuzu," Karin said abruptly, pausing in her tracks and clutching her head. Did her voice sound scratchier too?

The brunette stopped, gasping lightly as she stepped over to her sister with worry. Yuzu took in the red cheeks and sweaty brow with ease, her own hand pressing against her forehead. It was really warm. Had she suddenly fallen ill? She was just fine a few minutes ago. "Karin-chan? Are you okay? Are you sick?"

"Get the hell out of here," Karin ground out sharply. "Like, _now_."

Realization struck Yuzu, eyes widening as she took a step away from her sister. "Is it-,"

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure."

She bit her lip questioningly. "But I can't leave you! You're sick!"

"I'll be fine, I promise," Karin said, steeling herself against the dizziness she was feeling. Was the road spinning? "Please, run. To Urahara's shop. Or with dad. Somewhere safe. _Please_."

They locked eyes, conflicted emotions written over both of their faces, a heartbeat of silence ensuing before Yuzu turned and jogged away.

Karin nodded quietly to herself, slipping her school bag off her shoulder and to the grass, wobbling until she shut her eyes and concentrated on the rolling waves of reiatsu that crashed into her sixth sense, along with the symptoms of sickness that seemed to intensify with every passing second. The raven-haired girl wanted to cough, regurgitated her lungs, but she had to focus.

"Have to focus," she muttered lowly.

When Karin began looking around for the energy she thought she sensed, her sense of balance had seemed to escape her. Her body became heavy, and her legs gave out. She connected with the concrete painfully, head first, and she hissed in pain.

.

.

.

Yoruichi's eyes followed the two men with sharp calculation, analyzing their every muscle twitch and inhalation. "So you two honestly believe that she's ready for training?"

"Of course," Isshin said, barely holding back a smirk.

"I have no doubts in my mind," Urahara chimed behind his mask, looking on the verge of giggles. "And it's not as if she's going to be _alone_. I'm quiet sure that with my little talk, Hitsugaya-taicho will certainly have his own involvement as well as long as I am."

The Shihoin princess sighed. She'd never expected that Urahara could be so horribly manipulating. And he'd played the tenth division's captain like a violin.

A soft, warbling sound floated through her ears, and the second her head cocked upwards, the other two men in the room turned their heads in the same direction as her. A beat of silence followed by, as they listened to the odd sound with bated breath.

"The hell is that?" Isshin snapped.

.

.

.

On the other side of Karakura town, far away from Karin, or Urahara's candy shop, Hitsugaya stood on top of a building with his vice captain, the both of them looking bloodied and ready for a nice long nap.

"How many was that today, Taicho?" Matsumoto asked irately, the usual pleasant lull of her voice replaced with sharpness. "Thirty? All of them at least the strength of a fifth seat? And you're not even giving me a raise."

"You get paid enough," Hitsugaya muttered, sheathing his zanpakuto and crossing his arms stubbornly. "This is a part of your job too, you know. If you aren't going to do any work in Soul Society, then the very least you could do is do grunt work in the real world. It's not as if you're alone anyway."

The vice captain huffed, tossing her strawberry blonde locks over the shoulder. "_Fine_. But this is still a real problem, you know. I don't believe that Karin-chan has seriously been fighting the brunt of these hollows for the past year."

The white-haired captain's mood seemed to darken visibly, leaving Rangiku with muted surprise. Every time she'd mentioned the young Kurosaki, her captain had either began to fume or spat out something. His attitude had was extremely nasty today, even more than the time she skipped work for a full week to celebrate her birthday. And he was spitting mad then.

Maybe she was going to be a _bit_ cruel about it.

It was worth it, really.

"To think that even Zennosuke-san hadn't even noticed her running around and doing his job for him," the woman drawled, slipping her own sword back into the holster at her waist, waving a hand to indicate the general direction where Karakura's assigned shinigami was still dealing with a hoarde of weaker hollows. "It's amazing, really. I can't believe you hadn't noticed it sooner, Taicho. I wonder if she'd ever gotten seriously injured doing this."

When Rangiku met his eyes again, Hitsugaya was practically breathing fire.

She gave him a toothy, ditzy smile in return. "Oh well! Now you get to- what was that?"

Matsumoto stopped immediately in her talking when the lulling sound of a flute brushed by her ears, as if almost physically, and she unconsciously turned towards the sound. Hitsugaya turned as well, noticing immediately the way the music seemed almost like a foriegn wind that trailed goosebumps over his exposed skin.

"What's that?" he asked.

"It sounds like a shakuhachi, taicho."

Sigh. "I mean why would someone be playing a shakuhachi. It sounds...menacing."

Matsumoto nodded, a frown curling at her lip. "I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to even play it that way. Of all the humans I've seen playing those instruments, I've never heard it sound this dreadful and weary."

Another sigh. "I don't want to know how you know all that. Never mind that. I sense more Hollows coming."

At the back of his head, he'd been tracking her reiatsu, a near unconscious action.

The Hollow's claws nearly found their way into his skull when it blinked away from him, leaving a significant emptiness in it's place.

.

.

.

It was like cotton stuffed in her ears, a pressure building inside her head, until something cracked, exploded, pouring white-hot energy into her body. It was like the snatches of energy that she'd feel flickering through her body, only the broken pieces of the jagged puzzle, that kept her from feeling _anything_ this incredible. It was like fire shooting through her veins. It jolted her back into awareness, like it could lift her off the concrete ground and into the sky.

Karin breathed in sharply, attempting to stand with her new found energy, but was caught off guard when the unfamiliar boot connected to her forehead.

More pain, spilling behind the skin, and she groaned, earning her a kick in the chest that knocked her life out of her.

Karin coughed out blood, gurgling painfully when her eyes swam behind black again.

.

.

.

In her mind, snatches of different memories from the past few hours replayed inside her head in a strange, muddled fashion, not yet ready to tie them together in a coherent fashion. The only thing that she could clearly recognize was the pain in her head and stomach.

Karin's eyes fluttered open, revealing her to be in the clinic, lying down in one of the patient beds. The dull ache on her forehead seemed to clear her mind. She shifted around, lifting herself up into an upright position, and leaned back against the headboard. She looked out to her left, towards the window, and saw the sun beginning to set. Her lips pulled into a frown. How long had she been out?

The door squeaked open, pulling her attention away.

Toshiro stood in the doorway carrying an over-sized cup of what seemed to be hot chocolate with a tower of whipped cream and perfect swirls of chocolate syrup, in what could only be Yuzu's special hot chocolate (and her sister's favorite treat). Karin instantly perked up, eyes lighting up in a way he'd never seen before. A subtle smirk slid onto his lips when the raven-haired girl reached out for the drink with unveiled eagerness.

"You seem happier," he commented slyly. Karin almost immediately sobered up, shooting a glare at the white-haired captain while she ran her index finger through the fluffy whipped cream.

"Can't a girl get excited over hot chocolate anymore? Jeez." Karin licked the whip cream off of her finger, quietly enjoying the way Toshiro's lips curled into a slight frown, along with the twitch of his nose. It looked almost childish.  
"Well, whatever. What are you in here for?"

He shrugged, sobering up. The lightheartedness of his mood seemed to shriveled away. "Checking on you. How are you feeling?"

It was Karin's turn to shrug. "Pretty sore and tired, but I'm fine," she answered, taking a greedy sip of her drink. "Mind telling me what happened? I don't remember much after I blacked out."

She watched, reading the way his body shifted at her questioning. There was a visible change in the set of his shoulders, as if the young shinigami was steeling himself up for a fight. Toshiro's eyes glazed over as well, as if unconsciously shuffling through disorganized thoughts. His frown remained the same.

"We don't exactly understand what was happening at the time," Hitsugaya began to explain, sounding more like a captain than a teenage boy. It shift in his voice bothered Karin for some strange reason. "But suddenly, you began leaking reiryoku like crazy, vast amounts of it, and it seemed to attract a lot of Hollows. You just barely survived."

Her eyes widened into saucers. "The hell? All I remember is being knocked out."

His eyes slid back to her face, sharp and calculating. "By what?"

"Uh, who," she answered, pursing her lips. "He was wearing these heavy boots. And then he kicked me in the head, and then again in the stomach."

_'When did he become so easy to read?'_ Karin mused to herself as she watched anger flash like lightning in his eyes. "Do you remember anything about them? Anything at all?" She shook her head. He sighed, running a hand through his hair in the perfect picture of agitation.

"You look stressed."

"I am stressed."

"Then maybe you should - oh I don't know - sit down and stop trying to give yourself a hernia?"

He blinked at her in confusion. "What's a hernia?"

Karin rolled her eyes, gesturing with her drink clasped in both hands to the end of the bed. "Oh, just sit down, will you? You're going to give _me _a hernia."

The shinigami glared, but complied, and sat near the end of the bed where Karin's feet had once occupied. She tried shifting her feet around, wincing painfully when her stomach twisted along with the rest of her, but she gave up and rested her legs by Hitsugaya's back. Karin took in a deep breath and slumped against the headboard, suddenly tired.

She hadn't noticed him watching her.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her again, staring at her intently.

Karin took a sip of her hot chocolate plainly. "Peachy. Now are you going to tell me what you want to say?"

Hitsugaya's brows furrowed, biting his lip. She tried to keep from staring.

"I'm sorry."

She nearly spilled her hot chocolate.

"Did I hear that right?" Karin teased lightly, trying to ease the tension in the room that had settled around them like the squareness of his shoulders. "_The_ Hitsugaya Toshiro apologizing? I must have heard wrong. You'll have to repeat yourself for me. Maybe a few hundred times."

His icy glare did nothing to lessen her grin.

"What brought this on?" she asked him, returning to her drink.

After a few beats of silence, and probably some sort of internal battle, Toshiro heaved a sigh. "I never meant you any harm by taking away your ring," he answered tighly, as if the words were a challenge for him. They probably were anyways. "By enabling you to fight Hollows, I thought that...you would become injured. And then _this_ happens."

"You said I was...attacked, right?" Karin asked. "What exactly does that mean?"

"The beast had you pinned to the concrete by his claws."

Well that would explain the blood on her bandages. But it didn't feel like she got monster-claws rammed through her chest. How had she healed so quickly?

"...well, then."

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, Hitsugaya lost in his own thoughts again, and Karin stuck, not sure what to say. The hot chocolate in her hands had long since gone warm and mostly unappealing. She nearly pouted. Wasn't he supposed to say something encouraging, promising to protect her or some shit? Then she'd brush away the comment with a sarcastic remark and then they'd laugh and be all hunky-dory.

Things were easier when she was ten.

Karin steeled herself when she reached over to the adjoining bedside table to her left and placed the remnants of her drink there, then shifted into a cross-legged position, scooting closer to Hitsugaya.

"Hey."

He turned, and she wiped a dash of whip cream on his nose with all the composure in the world.

"Eugh," he grumbled, wiping away at his nose.

"You really need to learn to stop blaming yourself for everything," Karin commented casually as she wrapped the top blanket that he wasn't sitting on closer to her frame. They sat shoulder-to-shoulder now, and she didn't really feel like a kid next to him. Not any more. "I'm really fine now. Dad fixed me up perfectly. I'm even ready to be plowed through by another freaky Hollow. Maybe one without claws this time, though."

"You almost _died_, Karin," Hitsugaya said lowly. "Don't take that lightly."

Karin sighed, leaning into him more. It was already pitch-black outside. She was beyond tired. "All I'm saying is that you shouldn't go beating yourself up over something that was out of your control. I know being a god is in your job description, but that doesn't mean you're omniscient. You can't do everything."

"And what about next time?" he asked sharply, sending her a glare over his shoulder to find them incredibly close. How hadn't he noticed it before? "What if the next time I'm not there on time? What then? I can't just brush your death aside as a mistake when I have to carry your corpse back to your family."

She winced at the vivid description, continuing to feign nonchalance. "Don't be late next time."

Toshiro glared further, hunching over his shoulders in what seemed to be defeat. "You have such short-term logic."

Karin scowled back. "It's not short-term logic. It's acceptance. I'm not going to worry about something that hasn't happened yet just because there's a possibility of it. I never thought you'd have such an inferiority complex, Toshiro."

Hitsugaya blinked at shock in her words. _"What?"_ he spat.

Karin raised a brow. "Inferiority complex. Low self-esteem. Insecurity. Do you need me to go on? Where's your damn self-confidence, Mr. Tenth Division Captain?" she answered back just as snappishly. "You aren't weak just because you couldn't do everything you wished you could have done. Take a breath, will you?"

"I do _not_ think that way."

She bit her lip angrily, a beat of silence following them, until her hand snaked around his, twisting his finger so that they pressed against the wrist of her left hand. "I'm sitting right next to you here, with a pulse and working lungs. How about you take a second to appreciate that? I wouldn't be here without you. You know, I didn't get a chance to say thank you yesterday, either," she said quietly. "So thank you."

More silence from him, as his fingers pressed against the slow thumping of her blood beneath the pale skin. It was comfortable. _Safe_. She felt safe. His hands were a refreshing sort of cold against her wrist. Maybe dealing with his irritating self would be worth it if they had more moments like this.

Leaning into him more, she sighed. "It's been a while, hasn't it?" she said with a simple smile. Years. He still felt like an old friend. _'How long was he going to be around this time?'_ she wondered quietly.

Karin felt him nodded. "A long while."

She looked up, and was caught by his eyes.

Toshiro was staring at her intensely, with the sort of piercing gaze that seemed to strip away every layer of skin and flesh until he could see her heart, her skeleton. The air around them seems to change, and it hits her like a physical blow, their sudden closeness. Karin could count every single snowy lash framing his brilliant turquoise eyes. They sat that way, eyes locked, for what seemed to last a century, twisting knots in her stomach that had nothing to do with the hot chocolate.

Karin refrained from shying away from him, heart racing with the most irregular rhythm that only proved her nervousness. In a matter of seconds a comforting gesture had turned awry, and she was aware of how close they were, the sharp scent of cold winter air and mint wafting into her nose. Even through the gigai, his skin was cold, the hand curled around her wrist chill to the touch.

It didn't look like he was be complaining about it either. Instead, the Kurosaki looked him straight in the eye, chin tilted forward, almost believing she was fearless. As if there was nothing to fear. _'When are you going to push me away?'_ she questioned silently. This was maddening.

It would only be too easy to get closer. He'd let her, wouldn't he? _Would_ he?

The brightness in his eyes seemed to die away, and Toshiro turned away from Karin. His eyes found the floor beneath his sneakered feet. "I should let you get some sleep."

"You _should_." Karin said boldly, the words tumbling from her lips before she had the chance to stop them. She knew exactly what she meant by it. '_You should. Not that you have to.'_

Strangely, she found Toshiro smirking at her words. "Goodnight, Karin." He stood from the bed and walked out of the room, flicking the lights off in the room before exiting. "We'll talk in the morning." He shut the door behind him quietly, leaving Karin to the moonlight filtering through the window and her own thoughts. Not that that she was particularly fond of that.

_'Don't give yourself any ideas,'_ she thought irately, running a hand through her messy hair.

.

.

.

He quirked an eyebrow. "Were you successful in your attempts?"

_'Stupid question. And like it was really an attempt.' _The boy clutched his flute imperceptibly harder in reassurance, not liking the way this man's voice drawled so condescendingly, his entire presence exuding intimidation and superiority. Not only was he incredibly irritating, but wholly creepy in every sense of the word. It didn't help the fact that every second down in this room meant every second his friends in this division were suspecting him more and more.

Maybe this was karma for the Kurosaki girl.

"I have. Her reiryoku has been fully unlocked," the boy answered carefully, refraining from attitude. "I've listened in on Urahara's plans, and they are going to proceed in training her."

Aizen nodded slowly, hindered slightly by his restraints. "Excellent. You may exit now, Ryung."

"Of course, Aizen-sama," Ryung answered with flashing gray eyes hidden under black, unkempt hair. The name rolled awkwardly on his tongue, with veiled disdain and bile on his tongue.

He spun on his ankle and promptly left, slamming the door shut behind him.

* * *

_**A/N: **CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR A BETA! If you're interested, shoot me a pm!**  
**_

_ Over four thousand words. This was the worst, oh my god. I've realized that I suck at romance scenes. Why did I want to write a romantic story in the first place!? Ugh. At least I got it. Eventually. Also, sorry this was so late, but school was burying me with work and tests and...eugh. At least we've finally gotten through the flash-back chapters. Now, it's time for me to go back and rework the other chapters (grammatical errors, among other things). Keep the reviews coming! They seriously keep me motivated to work!_

_Critiques help a lot, you guys! Constructive criticism welcome!  
_

_Lyrics by Paramore, "Careful"  
_


	8. behind my eyelids

**A/N:** GLITCH FIXED. Idek what even happened to this chapter, but sorry for the inconveniences!

* * *

**Are you worth your weight in gold?**

**Because you're behind my eyelids when I'm all alone.  
**

* * *

_- Present -_

* * *

She was left on the rooftop, practically fuming. _'What the hell was that?'_

So maybe _she_ wasn't the crazy one. Maybe white-haired shinigami was the crazy one. Maybe she'd led herself into a confrontation with a boy she didn't know about a family she didn't remember that she didn't want to participate in.

Maybe she just screwed herself over. Badly.

Karin shook her head, as if instinct. "I know him," she murmured, walking towards the door at the other side of the roof. "You don't trust someone like that unless you know them, right? And it felt like I knew him. And he acted like he knew me. And he knew my name...I need to stop talking to myself."

After wrenching the roof entrance open, she made her way into the stairwell that echoed with the creaking of the door. Walking down the stairs with all her clustered thoughts, the raven-haired girl sighed, the noise bouncing around the stairwell with all of her insecurities and distrust and confusion. But focusing on _boys_ - not men, certainly not men - certainly wouldn't help her. There were bigger fish fry. Namely, what he'd said to her. The words brought a sense of foreboding that tingled down her spine.

_"Look around you, and look at that sword over there. Tell me what you see."_

_"A bunch of idiots who got what they deserved."_

_"And?"_

_"...blood?"_

_"And was there any blood on that sword?"_

She'd known the answer to that question immediately. There wasn't even an infinitesimal spec of blood on that goddamned sword. It was a fact, so seemingly irrelevant to him, as if this wasn't some sort of life-shattering development. The questions remained all the same. How the hell had she done it? Even if she didn't remember cutting them, or spilling any sort of blood, what had cut them? _'Well it's not like it could have been the air,' _she huffed angrily to herself. _'I need a shower.'_

.

.

.

He stumbled ungracefully into his office.

Toshiro looked horrid - worse than his vice captain on a Sunday morning with a hangover. Alcohol involved or not, he looked as if he'd had a wild night. The bags under his eyes looked darker than usual, making the rest of his face look pale in comparison. There was an unhealthy pallor to his lips as well, and his hair was a windswept mess, and there were confusing thoughts and painful memories whirling around his head at thousands of miles an hour.

The slight smirk on his face didn't equate to the rest of him.

Hitsugaya was, of all things, still very raw. The closest person to him had died, disappeared for years, and when he'd finally found her, her memory was wiped clean. It didn't make much sense - usually, even after a few years of death, the memories of one's human's life remained. They faded over time. But this total blockage of memory was a rarity.

_'Of course she had to be special,'_ he thought almost bitterly. But she said his name. He'd _heard_ it. He wasn't totally forgotten. _'Why am I even bothering?'_

Toshiro's eyes slid over to his desk of unfinished mission reports and various other paper work he had to go through. He was sure that at least half of it was Matsumoto's, but that didn't give him the leeway to slack any more. The last time he decided to take a step away from the division's dealings and put more focus on..._other_ things, he'd returned to it becoming a chaotic, disorganized mess. It had taken him weeks to get everything in order again.

_'I'm going to stay committed. This isn't going to turn out like last time,'_ he told himself sharply, nodding once as he leaned forward to the desk and grasped a pen. _'That doesn't mean that I don't have other commitments as well.' _Toshiro knew he was very much responsible for Karin now, whether she could remember him or not. Toshiro sank back into his chair, wiping a hand over his weary face.

One week. Seven days. In seven days he would get to see her again.

Impatience burned in his chest. Was it too early to be counting the days?

.

.

.

It had been a week since Anshin found Karin passed out at the bottom of the roof's stairwell, a week since she'd disappeared for the entire night, and a week since she'd actually gotten a good night's rest.

It didn't help that she had to take out the trash.

Anshin had been running around the entire dinner shift with a nasty scowl and an uglier attitude, snapping at virtually everyone when something went wrong, or if food was late, as she had to run around and watch over the kitchen as well as serve customers with a super-fake waitress smile. Being shorthanded at such a busy restaurant was irritating as hell.

It was days like this that she missed being spoon fed everything.

And with that thought led to old, metaphorically-dusty memories of maze-like mansions, a mother's loving touch, the old smoke-tainted study lined with books, and a time in her life where nothing could go wrong.

Anshin breathed out a shaky breath, grasping onto the heavy black bag filled with trash, and heading around the back of the restaurant to the giant dumpster that smelled worse than week-old spoiled cheese. As she got closer, even breathing through her mouth grossed her out - she could almost taste the rotten stench on her tongue. _'Don't throw up,'_ she thought angrily.

The golden-eyed girl lifted up the lid and tossed the trash bag in with her other hand with ease. After dusting her hands of any residual muck, she whirled around and headed towards the back door of the restaurant once again. That is, until she senses a flare of energy that shocks her into stillness.

"Is this some kind of sick joke?" she murmured, turning around to see a young man with dirty black hair and all-white clothing standing at the roof of the restaurant. He stood in a halo of moonlight that pooled around his wiry form.

He jumped down from the three-story building with an incredible amount of agility, landing a few feet away from her. "A joke? Well if this is the sort of greeting I get after ten years, then I'm really disappointed," the figure called out from the roof with the same biting sarcasm that ripped open old wounds all over her heart and rubbed salt all over it. "You're going to have to do a little better than that, An-chan."

"How are- _how are you_ _alive?"_ she answered quietly, eyes the size of saucers. The faintest shaking could be seen at her hands, which were grasping for the tanto that was supposed to be strapped to her back, but wasn't there. "I-is this some kind of j-joke? Some cruel joke? You...you died...burned to death."

"Are you sure about that?" he asked again, quieter, almost menacing.

He stepped into the muted light that illuminated his face.

Anshin gasped, her stomach coiling in shock.

Ryung shrugged, taking a few more steps forward, closer and closer as Anshin continued to back into the incoming wall of the alley. "The scar's a new development, but I've gotten used to it," he answered lamely, pointing towards the gruesome scar that ran along his left eye. He continued to follow her, never breaking her fearful gaze. Gray clashed with gold with startling intensity.

When she finally hit the wall, she locked up completely, her face drained of blood, sun-battered skin melting into a pale gold. The white-clad figure continued to walk forward until he was inches away from her, staring down at her with brilliant grey eyes, grasping her shaking hand.

"You've been hiding away for a decade too long," he whispered this time, all mocking wiped from his demeanor. He was deadly serious. "We're going to have a little talk. Away from here. "

The hand that wasn't grasped in his came shooting out, aiming for his gut, but she was shocked into submission when he expertly caught it without so much as tensing up in response. His smile turned cynical again. "Of course you'd try and knock a fucking hole through my stomach," he said, dropping her fist and shaking out his wrist. "Well shit. You haven't lost you touch, have you?"

This time, she pressed both her hands to his chest and pushed with a burst of reiatsu. He was tossed back to the other side of the alley, slamming against the wall, harder than she had anticipated. She had already pulled her tanto out of the holster strapped to her leg underneath her pants, and brandished the tanto with an exquisite obsidian handle and clean blade. "I'm not going _anywhere_ with you," she hissed fiercely.

He glared at her, unsheathing his katana. "Then I'm taking you by force," Ryung bit back.

Anshin spat on the ground, lip curling into a sneer. "Drench your claws in blood, Tenduu'a," she hissed. The air around her shifted, sizzled with energy, as the blade in her hand reshaped into a black, metallic arm brace, that wrapped around her elbow and wrist, jutting out past her knuckles into long, vicious claws. She flexed her fingers, doubt and anxiety pooling into her stomach. It had been years since she'd used shikai.

She lunged.

"Play your sweetest song for me," he murmured, "Benzaiten."

* * *

_**A/N:**__ I thought this chapter was awesome. But after actually getting some sleep after a week without it, I realized it sucked. Badly. So let's celebrate the fact that I actually didn't choke myself before finishing this! Next chapter - Toshiro and Karin finally get to talk about her human life, and we get to see more of Ryung, Aizen's new sassy lap dog. Also, Anshin is kidnapped. And has a zanpakuto? Wtf is happening here.  
_

_A BIG THANKS TO MY TUMBLR HOMIE ABBY-ROSETTE FOR HER FABULOUS REVIEW THAT MADE ME CRY. HER HITSUKARIN FIC "AFTER" IS REALLY AWESOME GUYS. YOU. NEED. TO. READ. IT. AND THEN REVIEW. AND THEN BOW TO HER FEET.  
_

_Lyrics from "Hurricaine", by Panic! At the Disco_


	9. rise

**Lead me to the truth and I **

**Will follow you with my whole life**

* * *

She was late.

"You're late."

Karin stumbled onto the roof top with labored breathing, where saw him sitting, with his legs hanging off the edge. He wore simple civilian clothes, looking much less intimidatingly regal than with his shinigami hakama. He still wore the scarf, tossed messily over his shoulders. Hitsugaya focused on the sky as if she was nonexistent, even as he addressed her (or, more accurately, there was no one else on the roof that he _could_ have been addressing). She took deep, heavy breaths to slow the pounding in her heart and the rush of blood through her veins.

The errands she had to run had taken up her whole day. They'd sent her to other districts, several different houses and shops just to attain the strangest things. It was nothing more than a glorified goose chase, and she'd been heavily irritated with Anshin for giving her such a long list of stupid things to do.

She'd arrived as fast as she could. Which wasn't quite fast enough. But he was still there, at least.

Karin walked lazily towards him, where he sat right at the ledge, feet dangling fearlessly over the district.

"Jeez," she snapped, taking a seat beside him. "I was busy today. And no one set a specific time."

"It's already tomorrow," he answered blandly.

"How long are we going to focus on my punctuality?"

"Until I'm less irritated by it."

Karin groaned, brushing her mess of bangs away from her forehead, until they fell back into her pony tail. She sat at least a foot apart from him, focusing heavily on the sky painted with ink and dotted with big, bright lights. She thought about muttering out an apology, even just to ease away the tension between them that wasn't just her own discomfort, but her lips had been shackled shut by any such actions.

"I'm not quite sure what to do with you," Hitsugaya said, almost conversationally. Almost. This tone felt familiar, regardless - like everything else about him. "You presumably remember nothing about your family - that will most definitely wish to see you - but you won't know them. I don't want to push you into the hands of perfect strangers without knowing who they are, but your father will eventually notice a Kurosaki Karin enrolled into the Academy."

Her lips puckered sourly at the mention of the Shinigami school, but she remained quiet. Usually, she'd be interrupting rudely by now, yet..."And I can't just keep your to myself, now can I?" he asked her not quite jokingly. His words rattled inside her ribs almost painfully. There. That right there. The shit he would say that made her do a double take or pulled at the seems of her head, glimpses of different pictures that seemed like memories and _she knew him._

You do not say those sorts of things to perfect strangers, speak so familiarly with them.

"So if I have a family, then what about my friends? What about _you?"_ she said, trying to keep her voice even and as nonchalant as possible. Keeping her all to himself. _Really_. Her cheeks began to dust into red, but it was too dark for him to notice. "We were friends right? Good enough friends for you to go searching me out in the middle of the night for no reason in particular? It doesn't seem believable, honestly, since you irritate the shit out of me."

"The feelings were mutual," he said smugly. She could have heard his smirk even if she didn't see it.

"And you were this Shinigami captain Hanging out in the living world?"

"It's complicated."

"I figured. But we have time."

Hitsugaya nodded, and launched into her whole life living as the shadow of an incredible half-human and half-Shinigami, Kurosaki Ichigo, who first gained his powers when he'd met the shinigami Kuchiki Rukia and could _actually see her_, which started the whole problem with spirits and taking on her powers when she'd been left defenseless against a Hollow (which involved even _more_ explaining). He didn't go into detail on their relationship, but she could glean quite a lot when he told her that her brother had charged through the entirety of Seireitei's military force, among captains far more powerful than him, just to save her from execution.

Which led to the revelation of one of the most trusted and well known captain's betrayal, the fiasco of Inoue Orihime's kidnapping to Hueco Mundo ("Why the hell did you all think she betrayed you?"- "I'm in charge of my division and my division _only_. Don't lump my suspicious in with the council's.") and the war against the Arrancar. Which led to Ichigo later being accepted as a full time Shinigami of the 11th division ("Nothing but a bunch of bloodthirsty, idiotic, violent brutes - a perfect match for him.") and him not ever being home to protect Karakura.

When he began Karin's story, of her powers growing exponentially as her brother had been away from the living world for years at a time, he'd began with how she'd started fighting hollows with a reiatsu-infused soccer ball, then with Urahara's play things, and _then_ powerful weaponry. Their brief meetings as children was merely brushed upon, but his arrival to look after for a year for training to fight against Hollows more properly (with reiatsu usage), and then her death.

Karin didn't miss the terseness of his tone, the furrow of his brow.

He wasn't quite as detailed with that part.

It was sort of incredible, the way the sun began to rise and paint them in a dull blue and orange, along with the rest of the district. Hitsugaya - '_Toshiro'_, she reprimanded herself - _'always, always Toshiro.'_ - was still talking with pain twisting in his throat of her ending, when her memories began to unravel. She saw longer, more detailed glimpses of summer nights spent on the back porch with lots of watermelon everywhere. She saw his daily kata in the morning in her bedroom where he slept sometimes, the perfect angles of the muscles flexing under his shoulders. She saw his biggest smiles, strangely crooked, damn near timid, that made her chest feel too warm.

Karin even saw his face, cheeks stained with her blood, eyes piercing with heartbreak, as the ghost of those last oxygen-deprived were again focused upon him. Quietly, she took deeper breaths and tried not to notice how Toshiro's eyes mirrored the ache that she saw in the back of her head.

There were no real glimpses of Yuzu or Ichigo or Isshin, the family of her's that he spoke of, in her head. Just faded colors, scents, and how it usually was. But he was becoming startlingly clear in her mind. It frightened her, and the feeling of rattling between her ribs struck her again.

Karin knit her eyebrows further, tucking into herself with arms wrapped around her knees and holding herself close.

She let him piece together the fractured puzzle of her life right with the sunrise.

.

.

.

It was well into the morning, with bustling people of the seventeenth district of Rukongai skittering around below them on their usual morning errands, when Hitsugaya had deemed it time to make his leave. He hoisted himself up from the ledge effortlessly, without the slightest sign of stiff muscles, nothing but swift grace and elegance that seemed more deadly than anything. Karin clumsily followed his lead, shaking out her legs and raising her arms above her head and stretching slightly.

They stood closely together, and she did not step away. Her view of his face was better up close, much more detailed. He had the sort of exhausted glint in his eyes that she recognized, as if she were greeted by it every morning from a past life. Maybe she was, somehow? He didn't look like he got much sleep.

Everything about him had seemed more real to her now. Familiar. The edges were still a blur, but if she focused on him a bit better, it wasn't as confusing.

The silence was softened by the noise below them, of street vendors shouting out sales and children playing happily in the streets, although it still felt a bit tense.

"So tell me," Karin said, tilting her head and working the kinks from her neck. She began to walk past him, towards the door of the roof that would lead to the top floor of the restaurant. "Are you planning to _'keep me all to yourself',_ or have you thought of something less creepy?"

Toshiro smirked just a bit. "Maybe. I'm not quite sure yet," he answered. "Besides sending you off to the Academy."

"Are you still going on about that?" Karin asked mockingly, rolling her eyes. "Look, buddy-,"

"_Hitsugaya_."

"_Toshiro_," she countered. "Look, okay? I really don't want to be a shinigami. I don't want to go to that freaky school with all of those snobs that literally spit on these people's faces-," her hand gestured broadly to the rooftops and people below, "-because they think they're better than everyone here. I don't want to deal with the freakish voice in my head. I'd rather just find a way to mute it on my own. I'm happy here. There's no where else I want to _be_, Toshiro. I've even made a family here. Don't you see that? I'm happy _right here._"

"Believe me, Karin, the Academy is the only choice for you," Toshiro said unwaveringly, a steady glint to his eyes. "You have powers laying dormant that won't stay dormant for long. They've already begun manifesting themselves physically, and you know it. You'll only ending up hurting everyone you care about. The Shino Academy will help you control it."

She bit her lip, tilted her head in borderline suspicion. "I don't believe you one bit."

"You don't _want_ to believe me," he countered exhaustedly. She recoiled, as if slapped.

"And who the hell would _want_ to believe that? My only option that place? _Hell_ no."

"I do not say this to take you away from where you feel happy, Karin. I am a selfish man, but I have my limits. Your contentment is one of them," Toshiro said earnestly. "But this is for your own good, and everyone else's. You have no other choice. I have nothing else to tell you."

She could feel her pulse inside her throat when he finally looked away from her. "This is probably confusing and I don't meant to uproot your life here. I don't want to cause you any unnecessary trouble. But it's the safest for you and everyone else, Karin," he said, his tone softer and understanding. It made everything feel warm and achy, which bothered her greatly.

The dark haired girl took in a deep, steadying breathe, inhaling the word and all the acceptance in the world that she could muster. "Okay."

Hitsugaya met her eyes again, calming and assuring, everything that she didn't want him to be yet he was anyway, and Karin could only blanch at how gorgeous he was while looking such an absolute mess. His hair looked as if it hadn't been combed in month, his eyes were bloodshot even from their distance on the roof, he looked unusaly pale, his lips were chapped and rough looking, but he was still so beautiful it physically hurt.

She hated it.

"I want to meet...my family," Karin said experimentally. Apprehension pulled at the corners of her eyes, and she was thinking back to the snippets of different memories that she knew of the people he'd spoken of. "I don't remember them as well I remember you, but I haven't seen them yet. I think it would help."

Hitsugaya nodded. "I can arrange something. Next week, Saturday? We'll all eat out in the first district."

Karin quirked an eyebrow. "First district? Does it look like I should be anywhere near the first district?"

Toshiro smirked just slightly. "You honestly don't want me to answer that."

She laughed, rolling her eyes. "Whatever. I can arrange breakfast right here. And you're coming."

"You didn't even ask me if I _wanted_ to eat-,"

Karin waved at him to shut up, walked over to his place on the roof, and snatched his wrist to lead him to the door leading to the first floor. She pulled him along, into the doorway. "We're going to go eat. And then you can talk more about my family," she said offhandedly, pulling him away from the sunbathed roof, down the stairs, and through the hallway of the top floor. "But you'll need to get rid of that sword."

"And why would I need to do that?" Toshiro questioned. She could hear the slapping of his katana's holster against his back at they took one hurried step after another on the wooden hall.

"Because no one walks around this district with a sword strapped to their back, and you will look like a thug. You look scary enough. They'd arrived to a door, where'd abruptly stopped, and Toshiro had almost ran into her. She didn't seem him scowl nastily at her, as she walked into the room and scowled herself.

"Where the hell is she?" Karin muttered, slipping around the room, until her eyes wandered towards a small note on a dresser, propped up against a stack of heavy, intimidating books. The white-haired Shinigami merely let his eyes wander around the room, from the pale green walls, to the bookshelf on the wall beside the window filtering sunlight into the room, and the futon draped with messy blankets and pillows that seemed to leave little space for an actual person to fit in and sleep.

His eyes fell back onto Karin, and grew apprehensive at the almost angry face she was making at the small note, clasped too-hard between her fingers.

_"It's been really good here, but I have some unfinished business I need to take care of. This is goodbye."_

"Let's go get some breakfast," Karin said thickly, shoving the note into her pocket.

As they left the room, she bit the inside of her cheek and desperately sensed for the vague energy that was distinctly _Anshin,_ the strange ability to feel her without any sort of normal sensory ability, but found nothing. The note, torn from a page of the notebook she used for her daily errands with the aged yellow paper, had rattled her brain suspiciously, and made her more worried than angry or upset or sad. It didn't sound anything like her, and the girl wasn't the type to just run off at a moment's notice. She would have said goodbye _in person._

She pretended her eyes didn't burn.

* * *

**A/N:** _I...I did it. I finished the chapter. And I'm not dead, okay. You can't throw any rotten fruit at me yet, though. I revamped the story. With a consisive outline and plot. And I already have chapter 10 written. That isn't even going to be posted until after exams, so...**now **you can throw rotten fruit at me._

_School has gotten more than hectic, with exams upon me (I have officially gone on hiatus on tumblr, oh my GOD it's so serious you guys). Still can't promise you any regular updates until the summer, but until then, I have a few chapters saved up so that I can proofread them and post as time goes on, just so that you won't die. Again, sorry for the wait, but that's life. You'll be seeing more of me. Promise. Swear. Anyways, look out for more HitsuKarin oneshots! I got my muse back, everyone! Now I'm gonna work it to death._

_Lyrics from Mumford & Sons, "White Blank Page"_


	10. fragile, broken things

**What a shame, what a shame we all remain**

**Such fragile, broken things**

* * *

Anshin tasted the blood first.

The soreness, tingling scent of old medicinal herbs, rough bandages against her overly sensitive skin, came next with startling clarity, and _everything_ ached. For an immeasurable amount of time, she squinted her eyelids closed again the sunlight pouring in through her window, and curled into herself, taking deep, measured breaths and blocking out the noise. She'd faded into unconsciousness again when she unfolded herself and opened her eyes.

Her face drained of color.

The room looked exactly as it had all those years ago: still too pink, with the family crest and emblems decorated elegantly here and there.

Quickly she began to move. She slipped out of the covers, the pads of her feet meeting with cold wooden floors. Reaching onto the nightstand, her fingers clasped around her tanto and it's holster embedded with precious jewels.

She licked her dry lips as her thumb pressed over the emblem she hadn't wished to see for the rest of her life.

"Shit."

The door creaked open, and she was greeted with a tall, scar-faced Ryung dressed in the 2nd division black ops uniform.

Anshin damn near hissed, slipping unsheathing the short sword and brandishing it wildly, fury melting into her every movement and heating her muscles with venom. _"One more step._ Take _one_ more step closer and I'm going to slit your throat," she spat furiously. Ryung merely sneered as he pulled his mask down from his mouth, fully unveiling his scowl.

"I don't think the family would enjoy it too much if you murdered your old childhood friend, now would they?" he asked mockingly, tilting his head. Anshin gripped her weapon tighter in her hands and ignored the thundering of blood pulsing just beneath the surface of her skin. What did he want? Why was he here? Why did he _bring_ her back here, to all places?

From his pocket, Ryung pulled out a small compact mirror and tossed in it Anshin's direction. Effortlessly, she caught it with her free hand and examined it with a warrior's prowess, through her peripheral vision to make sure Ryung didn't move. "A compact mirror?" she spat. "What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?"

"Take a look?"

Unwillingly, she complied, still pointing the tanto in his direction. "Don't move."

Once she took a glance at the reflective glass, all the air had trickled out from her lungs, making her wheeze oddly. Expecting halo of red-brown curls, she was met with wavy black hair and pale skin. Black eyes, black hair, a bigger nose, thicker brows, a shiny row of _perfect_ white teeth, thin lips rounded out into shock-

The mirror cracked and crumbled into pieces unknowingly as she focused her rage back upon Ryung.

"How did you _undo the kido?"_ she murmured, shards of metal and glass crumbling onto the ground.

"Why do you expect me to give away all my secrets? That little illusionary trick of yours wasn't as permanent as you think," he answered. "Now,_ Kuchiki-san_. Since your family has roots into the second division's inner workings, I was assigned to search you out and return you here from your horrific kidnapping ordeal. You did not run away ten years ago. You've come back home happily, healthfully, ready to fufill your duty as Lady of the Kuchiki."

Trembling with the weight of her angry, she glared at him with eyes of poisonous ink. "He already has- _Hisana._ Married years ago to Byakuya, after I left. All of Seiteirei celebrated their wedding. What_ the fuck_ happened to Hisana?"

Ryung shrugged. "You haven't escaped that easily. She died around five years ago. Now the family has been looking for a new bride for the Head. One to bear him children. I've been searching you out for a while now."

All too quickly, she was in his face, fingers clenched inside of his shirt, dragging him eye-level with her. His eyes took on a strange, unearthly light that she'd remembered swooning over as a child. Yet his scar made him look all the more fearsome, torn and tattered flesh healed over into something jagged and gruesome. "Now look here, you disfigured piece of shit," Anshin snarled. "I don't know what happened to you. I don't know why you're doing this to _me_, of all people, or what the hell you're trying to pull, but you brought me back to the last place on earth I'd ever want to be. And you fucking _know it."_

"I have orders," he said, clasping his hand over her own and attempting to wrench himself from her grasp, but she merely held tighter. "Your physical strength isn't a deterrent. I've done what I had to do involving you."

His hand tightened over her hold of his shirt, forcibly ripping her from his grasp. She yanked her wrist away, scowling gruesomely. _"I wish you burned to death in the garden!"_ she shrieked. "Fucking bastard! I wish you were ash! I wished I _watched_ you die!"

Before slamming the door, he audibly scoffed. "The world isn't a wish granting factory, unfortunately."

Anshin stood in her place for several moments struck dumb, shaking and pressured and _angry_. She whirled around, eyes melting over the room and taking in every Kuchiki emblem, every toy that lacked the natural element of dust, every picture frame, with trembling lips. "Lady Kuchiki," she whispered to herself, her hushed words echoing in the barren silence. Each syllable was tore inside her ribs. Lady Kuchiki. Lady of the House. Kuchiki Byakuya's wife. Her clenched fists shook violently.

"No," she muttered. After everything she'd done, she was right back to where she started. "Goddamnit,_ no_."_  
_

.

.

.

Hitsugaya heard the commotion well before he'd even turned the corner to his office.

He'd just nodded back to a bow from one of his seated officers when there was an audible crash coming from the direction of his office, making the both of them jump. Then the voices carried over, not quite recognizable through the shouting, but alarming them nonetheless. Hitsugaya merely looked at the young man questioningly, sending a shiver down his spine, but he'd answered without stuttering nonetheless.

"Matsumoto-fukutaicho is speaking with Kurosaki-san, Kuchiki-fukutaicho-," he paused when he saw the captain's eyes bulge.

"What the hell are they all doing_ in my office?_" he snapped.

"I don't have the slightest clue, sir."

The white-haired captain damn near sprinted down the hall, his face red. The shouting grew louder as he grew nearer, and his blood grew hotter, cheeks dusting a furious red. Why the hell was Kurosaki Ichigo and Kuchiki Rukia inside his office, breaking things and screaming? By the time he'd yanked open his door, he was ready to unsheathe Hyorinmaru.

Matsumoto was coldly shouting at Ichigo and Rukia, a spark of lightning in her foggy gray eyes that he didn't quite see often, and the two were shouting back with twice the fevor. His favorite ink pot lay shattered on the ground, stains of black spilling onto his vice captain's fingers, the wooden floors, and rug. They continued to argue as if they didn't hear him enter.

"-have _no right_ to blame him! He didn't run his own damn sword through her!"

"I trusted him! With my baby sister's life! We all did! And now he's trying to hide her away from us, or whatever the hell he's doing? Don't _tell_ me that I don't have a right to be pissed, Matsumoto!"

"Ichigo has every right to know of Karin's whereabouts, Matsumoto. You _know_ that."

"Why the hell are you people screaming like animals in my office?"

Three pair of eyes looked towards the doors to find Hitsugaya glaring piercingly at them all, damn near snarling. The room had gone quiet, silent enough to hear his heavy intake of air. "Kurosaki and Kuchiki, _what _are you two doing in _my_ office, screaming like a pair of _toddlers?"_ he snapped.

Both Ichigo and Rukia returned his scowl with a fervor. "Toddlers? Did you suddenly forget how tiny you are?"

"The short jokes have gotten older than Yamamoto-taicho, Kurosaki. I want an answer immediately," Hitsugaya ground out. Before Ichigo could answer back smartly, Rukia stepped in front of him and spoke.

"How long have you kept Karin locked away from us?" she demanded. "We felt her energy presence the night before, and this morning when we went to investigate, and when we found her she asked us if we were one of '_Toshiro's lackey's'._ She remembers you _quite_ clearly. You've seen her before, spoken with her. _Without informing us._ We want an answer _immediately_, Hitsugaya-taicho."

Toshiro cocked a brow, crossing his arms and glaring at the pair with all the authority he could pull from his bones. "Before you go jumping to conclusions even further, I'll have you know that I've contacted Isshin a week before of Karin's presence, as well as her entering the Academy in the following semester," he spat coldly. "Of course I assumed he'd relayed the information to you."

"Why only Dad? He's in a different _dimension_! I would have been easier to contact, at least! She's _my_ sister!" Ichigo sputtered, fists clenched.

"And Isshin's daughter, so of course it would have been more of a priority to him. Like she always has. I can't quite say the same for you, Kurosaki," Hitsugaya sneered, curling his lip with a venmous sparkle in his eyes. "Isshin is older and wiser. He would have taken the information without barging into Rukongai, snatching the girl up, and proceeding confuse the living hell out of her, as well as uprooting her life in the process, which you would have done in a heartbeat. You are nothing but a damned fool, Kurosaki, and Kuchiki, you merely encourage it."

"Don't you _dare_ speak to him like that," Rukia spat, violet orbs melting into slits.

"I'll speak to anyone any damn way I please, Kuchiki," Hitsugaya shouted back, twice as loud. The temperature in the room was steadily beginning to drop, and his breaths came out in icy puffs. "The nerve you two possess. You barge into my office, screech at my vice captain like damned _banshees_, disturbing my division, and then you expect me to speak to you like equals? Pretend not to act like the only thing we have in common is years and years of bad blood between us?"_  
_

"Who's blood do you think it belongs to?" Ichigo mocked, rolling his eyes and tossing Toshiro a nasty look. "We wouldn't be so worried for Karin if you'd done your fucking job right in the first place. If you're trying to make up for it or some shit by shielding her from us, her family, then own the fuck up to it."

"You seem to forget my profuse apologizing. You seem to forget that I cannot look Isshin in the eyes correctly," the captain said in an eerily hushed voice, trying to keep the air from abandoning his lungs. His skin was on fire. He wanted to burst, implode, let all the flying shrapnel do it's damage. "You seem to forget _how much Karin meant to me_."

"Not _enough_, from what I can see. Or you would have kept a better watch on her."

The room went quiet, yet Toshiro's heart was thundering out madly, attempting to burst from his chest. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Matsumoto glaring at the pair with barely-restrained rage, the trembling of her clenched fists matching the tempo of his pulse. "How dare you," the strawberry blonde spat coldly, pouty lips curling into a half snarl. "I can assure you, Kurosaki, that taicho cared for this girl ten times more than you ever could have. Instead of running around here like you don't have a human body to take care of and a human life to live, maybe you could have looked after Karin as well."

Ichigo's face flared red. Before his mouth opened, Hitsugaya cut him off viciously.

"If you don't get out of my office right this fucking second I will have you _both_ seatless and doing grunt work for the rest of your pitiful careers," he hissed. The tempurature in the room was steadily dropping, the white haired captain's breathes coming out as icy puffs. "If you ever enter the premises of my division without my or my vice captain's summons, then I'll forcibly remove you in the most painful manner that I can think of."

Ichigo stood still, though. The glint in his eye was frightening. "Is that a threat, Toshiro?"

"Hitsugaya-taicho! _Hitsugaya-taicho_, you deaf _bastard_!" he said, screaming. Matsumoto and Rukia were already beginning to shiver, and a hazy, icy fog had begun to stir around the room. "And that was a promise that I do _not_ plan on breakiing!Leave! Immediately! As in right now! Learn to not neglect your family when they need you! And then I won't be forced to _pick up_ _the slack!" _

Just as the most livid look that Toshiro has ever seen cross Ichigo's face, Rukia grabbed him by the arm and led him out the room, tossing a glare his way, which he returned in full. The pair slammed the door behind them. Hitsugaya and Matsumoto stood still for a few minutes, until the room was warm once more. The strawberry blonde crossed her arms over her ample chest, eyes narrowed at her captain.

"You still blame yourself."

"I don't think I'll ever stop."

"But _why?"_

Hitsugaya breathed deeply, in and out, as he walked towards his desk, looking at the spilled inky drying all over his desk and floors, without so much as sighing. He sat in his over sized chair and looked down at the thinned stacks of papers that he'd had to finish for the day. Matsumoto watched him quietly as he began to work.

"It was an accident, Taicho. An accident. No one can rightfully blame you," she said pleadingly. Toshiro didn't look up. "She's fine now, right? She's going to go to the Shino Academy, become a shinigami, and she's going to be as close as ever, except you'll be able to protect her as much as you want now. I know for a fact that Karin doesn't blame you either."

"She shouldn't have to have a second chance. She should have been able to live out her human life peacefully and happily," Hitsugaya said through a choking voice. He bit the inside of his cheek harshly. "There were too many close calls. What the hell am I supposed to do now if something happens and I'm not there again? Or I let her do something stupid? I won't be able to handle it, Matsumoto. I won't."

"Don't doubt yourself so quickly. There must be a reason why you were the one to find her first and not Ichigo or Rukia, right?" Matsumoto said coaxingly. "Everything happens for a reason. That includes death. In this world and the human world. This means something. You'll protect her like no one else can now."

Before Hitsugaya could respond, Matsumoto smiled brightly, falsely. "I'm going to go get tea. You want any?"

_'Drop it immediately,'_ is what he heard in her voice. With a heavy sigh, he nodded, turning back to his paper work. Matsumoto whirled around, bright hair twirling around her frame elegantly, and she'd slammed the door none too gently behind her.

Hitsugaya sighed at the heaviness of the silence she left him in.

* * *

**A/N:** _Shoutout to "ichilover3" for all her fantastic, contructive reviews that may or may not have made me squeal. God this chapter was fun. Exams weren't this week, omg, they're NEXT week. NEXT WEEK. I'm dumb. I went to bed early on Monday and everything. Welp. Okay. You won't be hearing shit from me, bbys (mainly because I don't have much already written). This story is officially in the double digits! Thirty four favorites, fifty eight reviews, and seventy follows! You all make me stupidly happy. Thank you so much. Your support means the _world_ to me. _

_Remember to review! Like. Right below here, man. I love them. They keep me waaaaay motivated!_

_Lyrics from Paramore, Part II (go buy their new album omg it's amazing)  
_


	11. pulling out the roots

**But I will soon forget the color of your eyes**

** and you'll forget mine**

* * *

When Karin opened her eyes, she wasn't in her bed anymore.

"What do you want now?" she snapped, sitting up and brushing the grass from her pony tail. She looked around at the sun still rising in the distance, too large and too close to be anything real. It was bitterly cold, but comforting, as the cold air soothed the skin of her bare arms.

A woman sat a few yard away from her, sitting cross legged in front of a mahogany table that held a jade tea set. She wore the same armor but with a different mask that left her mouth exposed. The thing looked like it belonged in a theatre - shaped into a beast's face, with her stone gray irises shining through the eye holes

"Your tongue continues to be sharper than your mind," the woman commented between sips.

"And your's still spits out useless shit," Karin called over, walking towards the woman and sitting down on the other side of the small table. Below the tea set was a map, with markings that looked like battles. She frowned at the geography of it, trying to find a place for it. The thing looked _ancient_. "So is serving me tea your new thing?"

"You're obviously too slow to pick anything up, so I decided a more direct approach. Please, do bore me to tears with you week," the woman answered succinctly, beginning to pour a small cup for Karin. It was strange talking to her in person like this, without the small whispers and echoes she'd gotten used to over the years in her head. "Like that orange-haired boy and his girlfriend. You nearly passed out. Quite entertaining."

The Kurosaki rolled her eyes. "Only because I got a headache right afterwards." The headache filled with too many pictures she couldn't understand, muddled and blurred, becoming clearer. The second she'd laid eyes on the two, the pain lanced up her temple, and it throbbed each time they spoke.

There was only one orange-haired person she'd ever heard of, and of course he fit the bill, but she didn't even have a clue until they'd been gone for hours and she was left trying to find pain killers. She figured that he'd triggered some of her memories, like Hitsugaya had done when she first saw him, but not to that extent.

Maybe because she'd already been hyper-aware of him? It was embarrassing to think that even after death, he was the only thing that she remembered. Everything had become to insane in her life now to even _question_ how platonic their relationship while she was alive - especially if he didn't feel anything at all.

Karin thought they knew Hitsugaya, but the second she'd said his name, they'd recoiled as if in shock. And then they'd just apologized and left her with that god awful migraine.

"Interesting, wouldn't you say?" she prompted.

"Yeah. My pain is _incredibly_ intriguing."

The woman handed Karin the cup of tea and she drank it, frowning a bit as she looked down at the pale amber liquid that smelled like ginseng. "This tastes like hot chocolate. _With_ the whip cream."

"Even more interesting," the woman replied. She was looking down at the map now, one clean-cut finger nail trailing over the marked areas. She was roughened up down to her very finger tips. "Would you happen to know what day it is today, child?"

Karin answered with a shrug. "Thursday. I'm leaving for the Academy today."

"Ah. You weren't stupid enough to forget."

"Oh fuck you," Karin muttered. The wind blew on them, pushing their hair over their shoulders. "Well, you seem to know everything that goes on in my life. You wouldn't happen to know what happened to Anshin, would you?"

"I'm afraid not. I've told you this before - I am you and you are me. My awareness doesn't stretch past you," the woman answered, as if that was a legitimate answer. Karin narrowed her eyes dangerously at the woman as she looked away, down at the table's map. "But please do bore me to death with the disappearance of that crooked-toothed girl."

"I'm only allowed to talk about her teeth, so shut it. She's been like a sister." Karin drank the hot-chocolate-ginseng-tea and placed it down on the table, frowning into the sunrise over her shoulder. If she closed her eyes she could picture the brunette with short hair and warm eyes that Hitsugaya told her about. "That hand writing on the note wasn't her's."

_And she would have said something in person before leaving._

Karin pursed her lips, eyes roving over the tea set discontentedly.

"Strange girl, aren't you. You're calloused and cold, yet once you get attached to someone, it's nothing but pitiful emotions. Your bitterness for her departure leaves a nasty stain," the woman said, looking up and over Karin's shoulder, out into the horizon. The wind blew colder around them.

She shrugged, taking another swig of her drink. "Still don't know what you're blathering about."

"This week has been horridly lonely for you. I feel it. The wind whistles and chills my bones."

"I'm _worried_, not_ lonely_." Why did she have to be so spot on? "And what does the wind have to do with me?"

A sigh escaped her lips. "Especially slow today, aren't you?"

"I want more tea."

The woman poured the cup up again when Karin set it down, and she continued speaking as she returned her focus to the map. "I mean not for you to end your search for her, because she very well could be in trouble. Go out. Become a vigilante and recover her whereabouts. Do whatever you feel you must, but you have priorities, and that includes recovering your past as well as learning to harness your strength."

Karin stayed silent, picking up her drink and taking a sip, eyes continuing to follow the sun. The subtle light around them hadn't gotten the least bit brighter. "It looks amazing here."

"This world's beauty doesn't make up for the constant turmoil." The woman bit her lip, bringing out a pencil laying at the side of the tea set, and began making several markings. "But I do believe we were speaking about you, child."

"Why can't you just _tell_ me about my past?" Karin questioned. "I'm sure you're the one making me see all these pictures. I bet you know everything about me, too."

"What do _you_ think?"

"Don't play that game with me."

"What game, child?"

"You know things that you aren't telling me."

"I am you and you are me. If you would understand that fully, then you'd know _everything_ about _me_."

"That's not fair!" Karin snapped, slamming down her once-again empty cup. "Especially since you feel the need to fucking whisper in my head and make me feel like a psychopath. How the hell am I supposed to understand your cryptic shit?"

"The reason you don't understand is because you're clueless," she answered, a sharp edge in her voice. "Knowledge wins wars and destroys countries and cripples men. Knowledge is a very _dangerous_, very powerful thing. Gain some of your own, and then wipe the goddamned spittle off of your mouth."

"Wait, what?"

Karin blinked, and when she opened her eyes, she was greeted with a blurry figure standing over her futon. Groaning curses too slurred for anyone to make out, she rolled onto her side, away from the figure. It was still dark outside, with dawn more than a few hours off. She lazy wiped her face clean of drool.

How many hours had she been sleeping? One, two? It had been a long week filled with searching for Anshin, with nothing but dead ends and a mysterious man with a horrible scar over his eye with her. None of it made any sense, but there was already talk of her running of with a lover.

Karin didn't buy it though - if there _was_ a guy in the picture for Anshin, then she wouldn't have shut up about it. So after a long night of anxiety and disappointment, she'd stumbled through her window when the sky was still as black as it was now.

"Get up and get dressed," Toshiro said callously. "We have to leave now."

"Come back when I'm less sleep deprived you ass," Karin grunted.

"I can drag you, if you like.

She rolled onto her back, rubbing her eyes as she stared up at him. The only thing she could make out clearly was his hair, attached to a bleary figure. "Actually, that would be great. I'm too tired to even support myself on my own legs. Pretty tragic," Karin drawled, sitting up in her futon and standing shakily. "Turn on the lights, will you? I don't want to end up in a dark corner with you."

"You wish, don't you?" he answered coyly. "Stop having fantasies about me and get dressed."

Karin cackled, walking past him and into the bathroom. She pulled her shirt over her way, and tossing it behind her, looking back to give him a sharp grin. "I should be saying that."

Hitsugaya looked at her appalled, and it took him a second to actually look away. "Just get _ready_," he hissed.

Leaning against the door frame of the bathroom, she laughed again. "You sure you don't want to join me?"

"_Karin_!"

"Oh _Toshiro-kun_."

.

.

.

Honestly, she could look anyone in the eye and call this woman her mother.

Albeit a surgate mother from a different dimension, but a mother nonetheless.

Mrs. Takarada held Karin's hands in her wrinkled palms and held Karin's eyes with an unwavering stare of her warm black eyes. The woman was small, just barely taller than five feet, and wrinkled from her head to her toes, with a thin frame and sharp angles around her face. But when she wasn't staring at you too coldly, she had the sweetest smile. Karin felt bad that their bickering had woken her up, but at least she got to say goodbye.

_I hate goodbyes,_ she thought bitterly.

They stood out on the front steps of the restaurant with Hitsugaya standing a few feet away, and a rucksack filled with all her things strapped onto her shoulder.

For the life of her, Karin could not look this woman in the eye.

"You and Anshin have been daughters to me and my late husband," the old woman said quietly. "It brings me sadness to see you leave, but it also brings me happiness to see you moving on."

She nodded. "I can't thank you for everything you've done for me."

"I could say the same, Karin-chan." She squeezed her hand. "Leave me to my work. The new help came yesterday, and I still have to train them. Enjoy yourself at the Academy, darling."

Karin looked up timidly, smiling just slightly. "Thank you...and I'll try."

Mrs. Takarada chuckled, patting her hand, and then looked over her shoulder to where Hitsugaya stood, looking off in another direction. "And you!" she called out to him, pulling his attention to her. "Take good care of this girl, will you? She's wild and nothing but trouble. Big trouble. Make sure she becomes strong."

Karin looked up to the shade that blocked her view of the inky purple sky, trying to find some solace in this absence. She did not like change, endings to something good, something that worked out for her. She was leaving her stability for a new home she didn't know what to expect of and a new family that might not even like her.

"I can promise you that," he answered, voice too earnest. "And I swear I'll visit as soon as I can."

"Good! Now the both of you - leave me be! And when you see Anshin, knock some sense into her. My knuckles are killing me these days," she said, finally, finally letting go of Karin's hand and walking back through the door. Karin watched her shuffle back inside, raking her fingers through her pony tail.

"Are you okay?"

She turned around to watch him staring at her, concern clear in the clear light of his eyes in the murky dark. She shrugged as she trudged her way over towards him. Karin breathed deeply, thinking through all the years she'd spent digging her roots into this place with these people. She walked past Hitsugaya, down the bustling street.

"I lied to her and said that my friend left for the Academy earlier," Karin said through a heaving sigh. "But she really just disappeared and left me a note that wasn't written in her hand writing."

"You think she was kidnapped?"

"That's the only logical explanation I could think of."

She was glad that it was too late - or too _early_, since it was three _in the morning_ - which just made her ten times more bitter about everything - for people to be out. He was dressed in his usual shinigami robes that he wore like a cape and crown. She did not want to be looked at right now. She wanted to leave and never look back, rip the roots of her life out at the seams so it would hurt less.

"I can help you look for her," Toshiro answered carefully, as if testing his words through his tongue. She was shaking her head before he finished.

"Do you think I could ask that from you? You're too busy to be running around Rukongai to look for her regardless. Besides, she's my friend." Karin reached up and began to undo her ponytail, twisting it into a bun. "If I can just figure out who the guy she'd been hanging out with, he'll lead me to her."

"Do you know who or where he is?"

"Not really."

"Excellent progress."

Karin groaned, wiping her face with her hands. "You're going to make my fucking head explode."

"I'm just here to help," Toshiro answered. She turned to her left to see him walking right along side her, staring straight ahead into the empty road. He was probably insulted that she didn't take his help. He was so easy to read some times, since he was sixty percent prideful and fourty percent irritating as hell. She could see the pride wrapped into his spine, feel it, in his gait, in his posture. Karin could see him much better now.

He wasn't arrogant - he was _proud_. Overtly so.

She wasn't quite sure whether or not she liked that about him. Of course, he could be irritating about it. The way he spoke to her sometimes, like a superior, was annoying. But that confidence made her feel comfortable with him. He knew who he was and so should she.

Maybe that was why they were friends before she died? How similar were they?

Then she thought about how she pranced around in her her bra in front of her _friend_ and wanted to scream.

Not that she didn't realize it was true - there was proof in all her muddied memories, in the way he spoke so assuredly about their past adventures like he belonged right there, next to her on that rooftop. And if _felt_ like he did. Karin pictured summer nights spent out on the porch just talking. The words were muddled and the different scenes blurred inside her head, but she knew. She could see their smirks, their quiet laughter.

It was easy to get sick of these past memories. The samurai had been right, hadn't she? She wanted answers, even if it just involved getting him back to where he was in her life, platonic or not. These phantom emotions were killing her. This possessiveness she felt tightening in the pit of her gut whenever he was around made her wonder just how platonic everything had been between them.

"You have to promise me something," Karin said as they continued walking down the street.

"What?" he asked.

"If I don't remember everything and this family doesn't want anything to do with me anymore-" she took in a heavy breath, turned her head to meet his eyes "-you have to promise that _you_ won't give up on me."

He looked at her questioningly. "Give up on you?"

"Who the hell knows if these people will even care about me anymore if I can't remember them? How can I act like they're my family when I barely know them? I wouldn't be surprised if they got sick of me after a single night," she said dully. This was Karin - she could spill her feelings emotionlessly, like nothing mattered. Her chest contracted in pain. "Promise that you won't ditch me too, alright? You waking me up at two in the morning officially makes us friends. I think I've gotten attached to your assholishness."

He rolled his eyes, and scoffed like she was a blathering idiot. Now this was familiar. Brushing off all her fears with his ever-present confidence. "If you're attached then I'm in shackles," Toshiro answered.

"Just promise me."

Toshiro grasped her arm and kept her from continuing on. He stared at her with those eyes - stunning and disarming and making her head spin. "I watched you grow into a young woman. I watched you fight monsters. I watched you as you planned for your future in your past life, and I watched you bleed to death. You may not remember, you may not ever remember anything, but you can't take away _my_ memories. I was your friend and I am your friend and I will always be here."

Her skin felt cold and his hand felt burning against it. Karin smiled almost painfully, ducking away from his gaze. "I'm sorry. For- for missing so much. For everything."

"Do you really think I could blame you for that?" Toshiro said, mimicking her words. Her lips pulled out more genuinely. She grabbed his a hand from her shoulder and whispered to him.

"Thank you." Karin squeezed his hand.

"Don't. You'll be thanking me for much bigger things in the near future." Hitsugaya squeezed back, smirking.

"Oh? Like what?"

He shrugged, pulling her by the hand along the road again. "Not sure yet, but you heard the old woman. You're wild and nothing but trouble. You're just going to be using me for my captain status to bail you out of anything you get yourself into," Toshiro said in a mockingly exasperated tone.

Karin chuckled, snatching her hand away and ruffling his hair with it. "Well duh. Why the hell else would I put up with your ass?"

Surprisingly, he kept smirking as he turned back towards her. "How about we speed things up a bit? You need to be in Seiterei by morning, and you're moving slower than my grandmother."

"Well_ I_ don't have an old man's white hair."

His smirk tilted into grin territory and her stomach began to twist into intricate knots, even before he swept her off of her feet and into his arms. She groaned knowingly.

"I _really_ hope I puke on you this time." Regardless of her sharp words, she began to shuffle into his arms to get more comfortable, resting her head into the left side of his chest. There was nothing comfortable about him, though - all hardened muscles that would not make any sort of quality pillow for her. "I need to start fattening you up, since this looks like it's gonna turn into a regular thing. You're _really_ uncomfortable. There's nothing soft to use as a pillow on you."

"I guess that means you're letting me stick around," he said bemusedly.

"Who knows? The night is still young."

His words still hand her biting her lip as they began to move. Karin closed her eyes as the wind began to whip into her face, pressed her head into his chest, and listen to the sound of his thundering heartbeat, trying to lull herself to sleep.

* * *

**A/N:** _Keeping this short because I haven't slept in two days and dear lord I'm about to pass out. Thank you for all the positive reviews! Keep them coming! Like, really, can we all just HitsuKarin fangirl? Like, please. I love you all so much. Thank you for reading and keeping up with this fic! It means the freaking WORLD to me!_

_Lyrics from Pierce the Veil, "I'm Low on Gas and You Need a Jacket"_


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